I'm done with school

Four years ago, I walked onto this campus to start a journey that would help shape the rest of my life. Today around 11:30 am, that journey came to a close. I finished my last final today and in two days, I'll be walking across a stage letting my friends and family know, that I did it!!!

0_0

Blogger unfollowed all my blogs. Now I have to start from square one and try to find all my blogs again.....

I'm so mad right now.

>=(

(^^^that's my angry face)

Style to Try

"Get Off" - Foxy

Hair Post

I decided to wear my hair out today. I was pretty nervous at first. I thought people would stare the same way I was staring at myself in the mirror. lol. But once I get outside, I noticed that no one gave a crap. I got the same amount of looks that I would on a day to day basis. Realizing that people were too busy minding their own, I was able to relax. And once I did that, I forgot my hair was "different" (until I saw my reflection), and went on with my errands as normal. It was nice being free. Nice to just walk around like myself. It really felt good to like me and not worry (too much) about others perception.

I'm noticing that I'm not happy. I'm content. I'm content with myself. I like myself. I love myself, flaws and all. But I'm not happy. And I really want to be. I don't how to be though. And I think it's gonna take more than moving back home to get to happiness. Normally, this would be the point that I would say that I would be happy in the summer. I'll work my way to happiness when I have free time. When I'm having fun with family and friends. But not this time, that's not good enough. I have to work on it now. If I'm not happy now, I'm not gonna be happy when I'm home. It's not the city. It's me. I don't know why and I don't know how to get happy. But I do know that I need to change something. And I need to start trying to figure out exactly what it is I need to change before I go home.

Anyways, that was just a thought I had while typing this up. Some times, you just gotta let stuff out. With that being said, here are some pics from today:







I wanted to see how my hair would look in a puff:

Changes

freshman year vs. senior year

*I don't bleach my skin. they were taken at different times of the year....

Black is Beautiful

Somewhere between the 1960's and now, we lost our sense of pride. What happened? And how do we get it back?

88 Degrees

The weather is heating up

So is my passion.

As this chapter comes to a close

My mind has taken on a new task

Revolution.

My drive is getting higher

So is the sun.

Something great is happening.

-I have found my purpose.


-Me.

The Revolution will NOT be Televised

-Gil Scott-Heron

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.
The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
thinner, because the revolution will not be televised, Brother.

There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
or report from 29 districts.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the proper occasion.

Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be right back after a message
bbout a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
You will not have to worry about a dove in your
bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
The revolution will not go better with Coke.
The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath.
The revolution will put you in the driver's seat.

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,
will not be televised, will not be televised.
The revolution will be no re-run brothers;
The revolution will be live.

Where are our leaders?

this is an excerpt from a "conversation" i am currently engaging in online. When the topic of who our generations leaders are, my response contained the following:

"i think our generations leaders will be discovered in the trenches. we can no longer look towards Hollywood or Capitol Hill or even the churches. There is too much money involved. and when money becomes a factor, the people's issues get pushed aside. I believe our leaders are the people who are tired of being looked down upon for being different. The women who are tired of being called nappy head because they refuse to burn their scalps. the men who don't want to smoke all day and chase pussy. These are going to be our leaders. They won't be found on our tv screens or in the white house. they're in our neighborhoods. they're our classmates. they're finding their voice. learning themselves. preparing for greatness. they have no interest in a reality show. no interest in materials or fame. they're main goal is to inflict change and understanding and resistance and individualism and revolution, one person at a time."

As I was typing that out, I realized that I want to be that leader. I want to be that person in the street preaching to the people. Letting them know that the media can not and should not define you. that you are great, regardless of what you are sold.

reason #3 for why I NEED to get this t-shirt line off the ground

*the fire keeps burning.

QOTD

"When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."

-Audre Lorde

Starsuckers- The Celebrity Obsessed Media

*please watch this!



(Source)

"Starsuckers is a feature documentary about the celebrity obsessed media, that uncovers the real reasons behind our addiction to fame and blows the lid on the corporations and individuals who profit from it."

LA Meet-Up

June 25th. I am so there. She has more info about it on the actual youtube page. So I would suggest watching it on youtube....

*Bestie if you're reading this, you and me for sure got to go! lol

Nappy Head Pt. 2

Moving back home is gonna be difficult. Not because I won't have as much space or because I won't be free. But because my parents don't "understand" my hair.

Last night my mom said to me "whats up with the hair?" When I told her I liked it this way, she looked at me and said well you know it looks "nappy" right? I just looked at her. Had nothing to say. She then asked why I keep it like "that" and I told her it's cause I don't feel comfortable with my hair straight. I then proceeded to tear up and cry. I couldn't help it. I hate to cry, but at that moment I realized that this journey was no longer going to be easy.

I've been sheltered in SD. I'm out there with all those white people. If anyone says anything about my hair, it's usually a compliment. I can walk around my apt, shower cap on, dc-ing and pre-pooing in peace. Come June, I'll no longer be able to do that. Ridicule and side eyes await me at home.

I'm going to have to go at this alone in my house. Depending on the internet and my one friend to keep me from the flat iron. It sucks. I wish I had some sort of support at home. But I don't, and there is no use in crying over it (well, not anymore).

That conversation last night also showed me how necessary my t-shirt line is. Not just for me, but for anyone out there dealing with my same situation. Anyone being bought up in an environment where you're happiness in your uniqueness is being stifled by the systematic thoughts of a monolithic society. There is an official fire burning inside me. I thought I would be able to share my plans with my parents, but I know now that I can't. So I'll be going at it alone. And that's fine. I don't need a team behind me. Just a dream, a friend, and some faith, and I have all three.

I will be who God intended me to be. I will let my voice be heard. I will wear my hair natural and free. And I won't let anyone stifle me!


*s/n. I ended up lying to my mom and told her that I was crying because I was tired of being in school and SD all together. Which I am. I'm also nervous about what I'm going to do after school. How I'm gonna keep my bills paid, and etc. But not tired or nervous enough to make me cry. Those thoughts are easily forgotten with music and monster.com. lol

Great Advice

Health:

• Drink plenty of water.
• Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
• Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
• Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
• Play more games.
• Read more books than you did in 2010.
• Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
• Sleep for 7 hours.
• Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

• Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
• Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
• Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
• Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
• Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
• Dream more while you are awake.
• Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
• Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
• Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
• Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
• No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
• Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
• Smile and laugh more.
• You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

• Call your family often.
• Each day give something good to others.
• Forgive everyone for everything.
• Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
• Try to make at least three people smile each day.
• What other people think of you is none of your business.
• Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

• Do the right thing!
• Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
• However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
• No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
• The best is yet to come.
• Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

(Source)

If you haven't checked out my poetry blog

You should! lol

HERE

QOTD

"Civil disobedience is not our problem. Our problem is civil obedience. Our problem is that numbers of people all over the world have obeyed the dictates of the leaders of their government and have gone to war, and millions have been killed because of this obedience… Our problem is that people are obedient all over the world in the face of poverty and starvation and stupidity, and war, and cruelty. Our problem is that people are obedient while the jails are full of petty thieves, and all the while the grand thieves are running the country. That’s our problem."

-Howard Zinn

Nappy Head

I remember one time my dad called me nappy head. It hurt me so much so, that to this day I still bring it up in discussions with my mom and siblings. Not that time he whooped me, the lectures, or the countless times he’s told me off for whatever reason. I bring up that one moment. That one word hurt me so much. Not the word itself, but the negativity and malice surrounding it. Nappy. My hair is nappy, and kinky, and coily, and curly. It’s beautiful. But at that moment, it was hideous. Ugly. Negative. it was one of my many insecurities.

I used to hate going outside of my house when my hair wasn’t pressed. My skin would crawl. Stomach turn. Complete anxiety over the thought of anyone outside my family getting a glimpse of my nappy hair. This is how I, and countless other girls grew up. Being afraid to showcase our crowns. Looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly girl. Ignoring our beauty.

It’s hard being burdened with an ideal beauty. Being one of the only races who can’t submit. Black, nappy, and curvy growing up in a place that worships pale, straight, and thin. It’s damn near impossible to have any type of self esteem.

But I do.

I’m more comfortable in my naps than I’ve ever been. And it for sure ain’t easy. I’m the only one with super coarse hair. My step-mom’s side got Indian in they’re blood (like, for reals. they really do). So it’s easier to manage their hair. And even though my maternal grandfather is something (I think Mexican. his cousins are straight up Compton cholo’s), my daddy’s genes are strong and I’m as black as they come. I think the difficulty of it all, makes my mental victory that much sweeter. To stand up and love me, despite what I’ve been trained all my life. It is a wonderful feeling indeed.

So, to all the girls (and boys) out there who feel the sting of the phrase “nappy head,” i feel your pain. But know, that you are beautiful. Wear your crown proud, cause it is glorious. Revel in the uniqueness of your tresses. Stand up tall, confidence and self-esteem intact, and let the oppressors know, that you’re not succumbing to the “ideal” anymore!

As I get older, I'm realizing that I'm super sensitive.

But not about things that affect me. Say what you want about me, I’ll give you the side eye and keep it pushing. Try to knock me down, I’ll stand up, look you up and down, and continue on as I was (but better). Do these things to my brothers, my friends, the girl across the street, that guy I’ve never met, and I get completely livid. Hurt my brother, I cuss you out now and cry later. Call the President a fraud, I rant and weep.

I’m a sensitive ass female. Not for me, but for them. Maybe that’s a drawback of being a poet….

My t-shirt line is coming along fabulously

...in my head. lol

I need to start writing things down. Make it more concrete.

I also need a name for my line. and some money so I can get it off the ground.

I pray my enthusiasm and passion doesn't fade before I'm able to secure the funds to make this happen. I don't believe it will. But you just never know...