o_0 Could it be...

..that he's actually here? that he never left?

i honestly don't know what to make of this...

part of me hopes it was him and that I still have a chance.

the other part of me doesn't even wanna bother with it.




wowzers is the only word my mind can grasp

every time i hear the rev of a motorcycle, i get excited. even though i know he's not around, i still can't help but be alert the second that sound hits my ears.
they say, that if a guy is really interested in you, he'll approach no matter what.

he never did.

yet, i still can't get over him. after a year of eye tag and no words, i still can't get him out my head. i'm way past the crush stage, and deep into infatuation and un-normal territory. i know this. i tell myself all the time, that "if he wanted me, he wouldv'e spoke." but wouldn't have I? i wanted him, and i could barely look his way. but it's different. he's the man, he should have made the effort. but maybe he tried, and my eyes were so fixated on the ground and my legs moving so swiftly, that he couldn't....

but all this shouldn't matter. because he's gone. the last time i saw any sign of him was in december. and i've come to the conclusion that i won't ever see him again. the only problem is, my dreams don't believe that.

my dreams...my dreams. see, they believe he's gonna pop back up. they believe that i'll know his name before i leave here. hear his voice. touch his lips. even be one with him, all before i leave.

but me. me, i know better. but my dreams don't care. my dreams run me. and he runs my dreams. and if a = b, and b = c. then by the laws of mathematics, he, runs me.

my dreams have run rampant. they've gone so far, that now i'm starting to believe them.

when i first saw him, i knew i had to be in his life, and him, in mine. it was destiny. but a year or so later, it hasn't happened. i still don't know his name. his voice. his touch. his story. all these things that i immediately felt entitled to among first laying eyes on him, have somehow escaped me. and although i know i will have to go through life never knowing these things, my dreams refuse to believe it.

they refuse to let go. refuse to accept reality.

and like i said, my dreams...they run me.

so i guess i'll just go along with it....