Reality Check

I'm not one to expect much. I try not to get my hopes up or over think things. I even came up with my own quote : "In life, never get your hopes up. Just pray that the Lord will bless you with the best possible outcome."

However. In life, I do believe that you must always expect two things. 1) that things will probably never turn out how you want them to. and 2)life will always hit you with a reality check when you least expect it.


My reality check unfortunately hit me this week. At a time when I'm stressing out about not getting into all my classes for the fall. Im dealing with apartment issues. I just quit (one of) my jobs. and Im just not at a very pleasant place.


It came in the form of the past. It hurt me. and I actually lost a nights (and mornings) worth of sleep.


I grew up in a house full of honest people. I know that liers exist. I've dealt with them. I've had them lie to my face. I've confonted them. I've cut them off. and I've moved on.


However, I've never had someone lie about something so important that it could possibly make the reciever question everything they thought they knew.


Before I go on, let me make one thing straight. I trust my parents. They've never done wrong by me. and they have never lied to me. I would never question their motives or their words. But irregardless of how much I trust them, at the end of the day, I always go with what I've seen with my own eyes. I make opinions based on what I know, not what I've been told me.


Now, to continue.


Like I said, I've never had anyone blatantly lie about something that could drastically change a person. It's one of those things that I knew happened, but necause I;ve never seen it with my own eyes, I almost looked at it as a myth. In my head, it's like, yes, people do lie. but little baby lies. Lies that don't mean nothing. But when it comes to the big stuff. They would have to be honest.

Unfortunately, thats not the case.

And I have to deal with that. I cant get upset about it. Just deal with it. I have to realize that yes, those people do exist. And it's not you. It's them. They have the problem, not you.

I also have to realize that I cant run away from conflict. My first reaction to these things is that I don't want to deal with it. So I just put it away and "forget" about it. But of course, it's impossible to walk away from thinkgs like that.


I basically need to grow up. Part of maturing is not only taking things for what they are, but also dealing with them. Not just running from them....

I just deactivated my facebook account.....i dont know why. i just had this urge to do it...and i did it.....yeeeahh. now i am officially out of touch with everyone!

i am a true loser now. lmao


oh well! im sure ill live =)

Pardon the Interruption

I think i need to start doing what i want to do and stop worrying about what others will think. wear what i want to wear. style my hair the way i want it styled and stop worrying about the rest.

the only thing that should stop me is my income. if i dont want to wear that ________ (insert various styles here, it should be because i dont feel comfortable in it. not because im thinking about how others will see me.


i need to really start doing me.

i just got a natural hair style (two strand twist). although it's different from my usual pressed 'do, i kind of like it. it's easy, unhibiting, and to be quite frank, it's me. it's also not "beautiful". beautiful is weaves, long hair, and the like. it's everything i should be afraid to be. which is very unfortunate. and eventhough it's growing on me, i still find myself looking in the mirror with a disgusted look on my face. not because i hate it, but because i feel like they do. first of all, who the hell are "they"??? and why should i care what they think? second, if i like it, why should anything else matter?

everything else matters because thats how society conditions us to think. they throw the same blazzey blah type images in our face. and tell us that that is beauty. and if your not like that then your not pretty.

im a dark skinned black girl. with big boobs and no butt. i have a nice sized gut and just barely shoulder length hair. i have 8 tattoos. none of which are on my lower back, shoulder, thigh, etc. i dont party. i dont wear uber tight clothes. basically, i am far from what im suppossed to be.

as i write this, im realizing that a) i am waaaay off topic. this post was to be about hair. lmao....and b) i really need to get that image of what is beautiful out of my head. and be happy with who i am.

when i look in the mirror. im ahppy with myself. ive gone down almost two pant sizes in a year. i've cleared up my skin (i have eczema and used to break out a lot). i've learned to do my own hair. and most importantly i've grown and have gain a considerable amount of confidence. yet when i step outside, i lose a little bit of that confidence. and am consumed witho thoughts about how people may be viewing me. and that is not okay.


so from this day foward, i'm making a vow to myself. i will stay true to me. i'll do what i like. say what i feel. wear what i'm comfortable in. style my hair the way i want to. and embark on a journey to love myself and not worry about others. a journey to rid myself of this horrid inhibitor of shy-ness. i must smile at those around me. and i must not consume myself with negative thoughts.

i CAN do it. i SHALL do it.

it will be long. it will be hard. but it WILL be done. =)

Just Something I Tried

Base : White On by Sally Hansen
"Streaks" : both Sinful Colors Nail Art in pink and orange

Thank God for My Parents

Because of my parents I'm able to be myself. I watch my peers and all the people around me and am amazed at how fake and unsure of themselves they are.

Because of my parents I'm able to be honest. I listen to all these people and I just cant believe how backwards they seem to talk.

Everytime I get on facebook, Im just baffled. everyone talks/types the same. they say one thing in one status and do a straight 160 two seconds later. I just dont get it.....

I probably never will.





Again, thank God for my parents. Without them, I probably wouldnt notice these things. I'd probably have zero self respect and would be the exact type of person I loathe.

Quote of The Day

"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."

-Carl Jung

Cool Giveaway

You can win all these great products!


Just go here for all the details: http://susies1955.blogspot.com/2010/06/enter-my-kiss-giveaway.html

the more people who vote, the better chance her son has to open up for KISS!



*i hope i win. lol

Sally Hansen in Black Out
Milani Neon in Fresh Teal
Konad Plate M57

LMAO

*i think it's time for me to go on ahead and retire my use of the n-word (not that i use it much)....this is still funny tho!

Polish: Sally Hansen in "White On"; Essie "Turquoise and Caicos

Konad Plate M57 stamped in China Glaze "For Audrey"





So I think it's fairly obvious that I love to do my nails....I enjoy getting different designs on them but I dont always have the money to go to a salon every week (thats how often I change my nail color)....So about two weeks ago, me and a friend went to the Del Mar fair. While we were there, we both bought these nail stamps (Konad stamps) and I havent looked back. This is the first manicure that came out well. Since then, I've bought three nail art bottles and I plan on doing some fly dyi projects on my nails.












Heres another pic:

Time to Start Saving!

I've promised myself that I wont be shopping for (at least) the rest of the month.

I'm gonna get my hair done sometime in the next few weeks. and buy myself a pair of shoes in august....but thats it.

The only thing I'll be paying for is gas and food....and bills.



fyi...these are the shoes I'm thinking about getting....My kicks collection has been starting to fizzle out. the last time I bought a pair of dope sneakers was in '08. I havent seen a pair that I just HAD to have...till I saw these. lol. Now I just gotta decide which one I want











I like these too

i wanna give up....but God wont let me.


i guess i'm supposed to be somebody(?)

The Big Chop

I really hate my hair.

I hate it when its in braids

I hate it when its pressed

I hate it when its wrapped up

I just really cant stand it.


I think my problem is that I dont know what to do with it. When I look up different styles they always either involve weaves or thick natural hair. Unfortunately, my hair is pretty thin and looks ridiculous when not pressed out. I dont like weaves and will never wear one (it's just not my "thing")...The only time I semi-like my hair is when it's in a geled up ponytail. For some odd reason I feel the most confident with that style....I really want to grow my hair out, but cant figure how to go about doing it without getting braids (which i dont want), doing a braid out (which looks ridiculous on me) or -the most drastic of them all- chopping off my hair.


I think I'm gonna go with the latter. Like i said earlier, I'm the most confident with my slicked back and out of my face. Chopping my hair will also allow me to basically start from scratch. I can regrow my hair in a very healthy way, and hopefully get it nice and thick (and long)....I wouldnt get a fade or make it too short. Just a little afro on top of my head. lol

I've decided to wait until after I graduate. I really want to make sure that I'm making a good decision. And not just doing it because it's "in" or out of boredom. So yeah...

These are the women that have some-what inspired me to chop it off (hence why I'm waiting a year to do it...gotta make sure I'm not just following the trend):













I want to keep it healthy so it can grow and become a beautiful thick afro like this: