Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."

-Bernice Johnson Reagon

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Here We Go Again

So my mind has this awful habit of taking a single thought and creating an entire, time consuming, "life" out of it. In the end, reality hits, and I end up losing countless hours of lost thoughts. These "dreams" (thats all i can think to call it) are usually based around a guy (because I'm boy crazy) and on rare occasions, friends or money. And like I said, they never end up being remotely close to reality. I recently came down off my dream cloud and smacked onto the earth. At first, I promised myself that "I would focus on school and never let that happen to me again." Cause although I've always been a dreamer, the lonliness of being away at school and the boredom that has ensued thanks for lack of my friends, has caused me to do this more often and it's usually more extensive. I told myself that I need to focus on school, cause thats why I came out here in the first place. Not to meet my boyfriend, or meet a bunch of people, or party every night. Those are all perks of going to college. But you come here for school and school only. And it sucks that I wasn't able to enjoy those perks, but hey...thats life.

Everytime I felt sad about my reality check, I repeated that whole quote to myself all night. Then, it hit me. I will never stop doing that to myslef. Especially while I'm out here. Yes I'm here for school. Yes I'm semi-okay with being a lonely loser. But at the end of the day, the dreamer in me will never stop, no matter how much I try. And the boy crazy little girl inside of me is always gonna need a boy on her mind.

Basically all I can do is try not to let my mind get too crazy or too attatched on one thing. I need to slowly introduce reality to it, rather than allow it to stay in the clouds and be smacked down all at once. So yeah, hopefully I'm able to regulate my mind so that I can get through this last year of school. Once I graduate, I can move back home and work on getting back my happiness. Cause I've pretty much given up on the thought of being happy while I'm out here.

It's kind of impossible.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Everybody wants to be somebody, but nobody wants to grow."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thursday, June 24, 2010

2 Hours and 10 Minutes

I wrote this "poem" (if you can even call it that) in class last night. I was bored and wanted to write a good poem, but somehow I came up with this. Sometimes I have to really think to come up with the right words to say, and other times they just kind of flow. Sometimes they dont make sense but flow wonderfully so I just go with it. But thats why I love poetry. It's never perfect, yet it always figures out your hearts intentions and jots it down for you and sometimes others to understand.

2 Hrs and 10 Minutes

Think damnit
Write damnit
Do something with yourself
Figure out your life

Who are you
What will you be
What do you want to be?

Walk the right path
Secure the right future

Figure yourself out

It's the only way to see clear
And move forward

Tuesday, June 22, 2010



To me, it's about knowing what is and going along with it.

Life is about a journey of acceptance. We wont always like where and who we are. But we must learn to accept it.

Once we achieve that, we can embark on a journey of change... and (hopefully) eventually happiness

Where do I stand?

As of today, I would say that I have almost reached the full acceptance of my "situation" and my self.

I have accepted my body for what it is.
My spending habits, my eating habits
My place of residence, my monetary position
The people in my life
And lack of others

Now that I have come to terms with these things, I must now take the time to evaluate them and decide if I am happy with the way things are. If I am not, I must begin a journey of change.
I must figure out how to change and what it is that I want out of said change.
I must create goals and must make the correct choices and the correct steps to reach those goals.

So there it is. Written, read, and read again.


Let the evaluation begin....

Nail Color of the Week

"For Audrey" by China Glaze

Monday, June 21, 2010


if i dont like me, how can i expect anyone else to?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

"The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the Kingdom of God is within you."

Luke 17

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I Need to See This

I Need


I'm really not feeling this whole lonely slump I've seemed to get stuck in. It's really not cool.

I have pretty much no one out here. The friends I "thought" I had, are always leaving me out. And I'm too shy to go out and meet new friends, eventhough I feel like I probably wouldnt like alot of people. (un)Fortunately, I have a different mentality than alot of people my age, or at least the ones that I've met. It's kind of a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I love the fact that I'm able to think for myself, do my own thing w/out worrying too much about others, and see the world for what it really is, free of any and all blinders. However, I also dont have anyone to really talk to, anyone who understands me, or anyone to hang out with.... My mom says that it's almost inevitable. Apparently the wise man, is also a very lonely man. We live in a time where you do what your told, think like everyone else, and act accordingly. i was blessed with parents who alwways told me the truth, let me be myself and do me, without straying away from family. Maybe I was just too spoiled. And now that I'm in the "real" world (well, real according to "them"), I have to get past this mental culture shock. Or deal with the fact that I probably wont ever have a solid group of friends that can at least be understanding of the way that i think and choose to live my life.....Oh well... =/

Friday, June 11, 2010

I Hate Drake (Too)

I just had to post this

I thought I was the only one who didnt like Drake. I just dont get his allure. I've really been trying to get into him and Niki Minaj. But I just cant seem to do it. There just so damn basic. Uninspiring and even worse, unoriginal. Buut yeah. When I saw this article it immediately made me happy. Just knowing that I'm not alone always makes my day.... On another note. After reading all these comments (where people are clearly dating themselves), I'm starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I am incapable of thinking even slightly like my peers. I agrees with everything these old heads had to say.... I guess I'll never have friends. smh...

Here's an excerpt from the article:

"From his faux-Southern accent to his corporate-funded “street buzz,” Drake has been perfectly prepped to become hip-hop’s version of a boy band. Take one look at Drake and you can almost hear the calculations of greedy record execs looking for the next crossover act: Preexisting white fanbase: check. Exotic Ethnic Background: check. Light Skin: check. Celebrity Cosigners: check."

a few comments:

by Sister Toldja (not verified)
"Well-said. I've had mixed feelings about Drake for a while, but you've expressed my issues with him and his branding so eloquently. I was definitely disappointed that he ended up with this motley Young Money, which is the most embarassing thing to emerge from Hip Hop culture this side of "Homeboys in Outer Space". Unfortunately, when we try to hold entertainers to artists standards, we will be disappointed more often than not."

by e.Green (not verified)
"I bet anyone of the folks that think Drake is "that dude" have no idea of what Hip Hop is really about. These days seems anyone with a co-sign, from a "rapper" that's "on" is the next best thing. When in reality, this dude couldn't hold a cup of Skyzoo's piss, let alone thousands of other "MC's" in the game that aren't known nationally. And the sadder part is that Bullshit Egotistical Tel-lie-vision (BET) throws this dude, and dudes like him in the faces of our youth and tells them that THIS is hip hop.

The problem us "older" hip hop heads have with this dude and the people that ride for him has nothing to do with age, it basically boils down to a respect for what Hip Hop REALLY is. It's more than some dude standing in front of a mic rapping words off his blackberry. These folks that listen to "radio" and the music in the clubs, don't even hear the rappers. They hear the beat. You have NO idea how many "discussions" I've gotten into with one of these pro now Hip Hop fans that has ended with a statement from them like "yeah, I don't know what he sayin', but the beat is hot" THAT my friend is not hip hop."

by Anonymous (not verified)
"To the first anonymous commenter, the article pertains to drake being nothing special. He's a pop artist. He does popular music, had some talent (a lot less than most people say, imo), and blew it by doing the music he does today. And as far as rapping being about making money, you're clearly a mainstream fan. If it were really about that everyone would of sold out. That means any nas, tribe, rakim, or other would be making Lil Wayne type music. Now, he wasn't discrediting Drake for not having streed cred. It's what we're used to but take a group like Atmosphere who have nothing to do with the streets and still make great music. What was said was Drake feels inauthentic and it's NOT because he doesn't have street cred or cuz of his name like a typical street hip hop fan would complain. It's because he's a product. He has a southern accent when he raps for example, and he's from Canada. It's ridiculous. Point is you can't say he's an MC or has the skill people claim him to have when a Black Thought, Jean Grae, Talib, Kane, or other has ever been in existance. But even if he does, he doesn't prove it. He's this generation's Britney Spears in a catholic school girl uniform. Just a product to be marketed and sold to the masses. Garbage if you ask me."

by 2pacANDBiggieWouldNotApprove (not verified)
"I agree with this rant and will be glad to see the end of the voice box and Drake's unimpressive flow and punchlines. The sad part about it all is that there really is no standard for artists anymore... Rappers, singers, or even actors (I.e. House of Payne) and because of this, the rap game, music, and entertainment (specifically black entertainment) as a whole will continue to be watered down and mediocre at best. The only bonafide artists with talent have fallen into the background of reunion tours and concerts, died, or are featured on a "has-ben" show like Unsung. When in reality, they should be lauded for being the epitome of what most artists, including Drake are NOT!"

by grundy (not verified)
"without even getting past the byline, i have already deemed this article the greatest contribution to the american hip hop lexicon in the history of the written word.

I can only explain my artistic disdain for drake under the analogy of fashion. A lot of girls like Bebe, right? But women who know clothes, who know fashion and taste, would like to burn the entire franchise down. Now plenty of women from the lower brow of fashion will say "Why you hate Bebe?? It's some cute stuff in there!!" And we will respond, sure, but unless you know clothes you don't understand how cheap, tacky, and uninspired Bebe is.

That's my point. When you know hip hop Drake seems cheap, tacky, and uninspired. The go-to rapper for low brow tastes.

Oooo i love it when all my cultural snobbery comes out."

And Yet Another Comment Post

Here's another comment i came across. This one is from the black voices "blog" on This commentor says exactly what I've been thinking since forever. My parents always told me that race is always relevant. People try and pretend that its not. One day we'll all wake up and open our eyes and see America for what it is....

By: HighTime Reality on 6/10/2010 6:38PM

"What is it about black people's reality that after 400-years of sailing around in circles in boats of deprevation and despair we just cannot seem to come to grips with the fact that "Race Matters". RACISM in America is America. Let me repeat that statement for those of you blinded by too many years of being immersed in America's cesspools of hypocrisy and self-destructive propaganda.... RACISM in America is America.

As a tenured Professor in mathematics and economics, having finished my undergrad, masters and PhD programs as a stellar academic, at the end of the day the institutional power structure sees my dark skin first, Period.

I can rattle off hundreds of irrefutable disparity studies performed over the last decade, examining disparities in income between college educated blacks vs. college educated whites, in addition to the huge disparity in incarcenration rates between blacks and whites. The eye popping findings as characterized by the pronounced disparities between Blacks and Whites up and down America's structured, racialized society, underscores the emphasis on distinct lines of race and ethnicity in America's work place, social settings and institutions, affirming that "Race Matters".

Professor Thomas Shapiro's of Brandies University recently published his findings from analyzing 20 years of data: White Wealth vs. Black Wealth. Take the time to read his findings at least TWICE, then pickup the phone and call Dr. Newsome and THANK her for having the guts to standup and speak truth to power! Maybe, just maybe President Obama can learn to take a page out of Dr. Newsome when it comes to the plight of Black America"

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I read this on a blog today. It was a comment responding to an open letter written by Marc Lamont Hill in response to an article by Slim Thug regarding black women.

This commentor took all my thoughts and intelligently typed them out in the comments section...i love it!

Written by anonymous:

"My only problem with that reading is that it ignores the racialized notions that he perpetuates. He explicitly contrasts the black woman who's reaching too far and expects too much to the white women that supposedly "bow down" to their men. Just the fact that the white woman "does whatever I say" implies that black women are incapable of living up to the concept of femininity and partnership and, even worse, that the idea where women are meek servants who concede everything to their man's desires should be the concept of femininity and partnership that we subscribe to.

And while I agree that many women overlook good men in search of the non-existent better ones, I think that you can easily apply that idea to other races, not just black women. As daughters, we are told to get the best, that not just anybody deserves the investment of our time, money, and affection. When we, as black women, attempt to live up to those standards that have been given to us by our fathers, grandfathers, brothers, our mothers, grandmothers, older sisters, we are told that we are aiming too high. It is a conflicting message that should not be.

Yes, black women should be more open to both black men and to other races. (My own mother, a black Ivy League graduate married my now adoptive father - a black government plumber, and I have never seen a happier couple. Ironically, all I heard in college is how such a coupling never happens.) Yes, black women should not keep running for the virtually unattainable perfect black man, especially with the statistics concerning black men as they are now. Yes, we should STAND BY our men. But we should not have to bow down to them. If they are to be kings, then they must remember that in a true relationship, we are their queens, not their concubines or servants.

I apologize both for this being long verging toward a rant from an anonymous and random person on the internet. But I feel that to try and give leniency to Slim Thug's hypocritical comments is a disservice to every woman. It tells women to take what we can, to be the cook, the maid, and the perfect woman who most likely has to work both in and outside the house while the man can be whatever, because we won't get anything better. What a horrible lie to perpetuate."

Open letter :

Slim Thugs's article :

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This Summer

really sucks so far!

just thought id share that...w/myself. lmao

I Want...

This skirt from Forever 21...i dont really wear skirts ( i prefer shorts) but I love this. It would be one step closer to wearing a dress. lol

Monday, June 7, 2010

Sunday, June 6, 2010

This Must Be Heaven


By : Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"God and I in space alone . . .
and nobody else in view . . .
"And where are all the people,
Oh Lord" I said,
"the earth below
and the sky overhead
and the dead that I once knew?"
"That was a dream," God smiled
and said: "The dream that seemed to
be true; there were no people
living or dead; there was no earth,
and no sky overhead,
there was only myself in you."
"Why do I feel no fear?" I asked,
"meeting you here in this way?
For I have sinned, I know full well
and is there heaven and is there hell,
and is this Judgement Day?"
"Nay, those were but dreams"
the Great God said, "dreams that have ceased to be.
There are no such things as fear and sin;
there is no you . . . you never have been.
There is nothing at all but me."