Thursday, March 31, 2011


"Ocean Love Potion" - Sephora by OPI

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Some days, I get so lonely, so lost, that I just break. Break down. Cry. And cry more. I get so lonely, so lost, that the worst thoughts try to enter my mind. And I have to work so hard to keep them out. Give all my energy in order to keep them from getting in. It’s draining. In the end, I’m left with an aching head and heavy eyes. So I sleep. Sleep, and pray that the next day, doesn’t bear the same results…

Monday, March 28, 2011

I Want to Make This


D.I.Y project for the summer? I think so. =)

Here are the instructions

"I Used to Love Her" - Common

The new, new blog

I had to change the new blog. So here's the new link

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I feel like my blog is getting a little too random. But i don't know how to "clean" it up without stifling my thoughts....

definitely something I need to ponder


so, I decided to create another blog. This blog will consist of all my poems and possibly some music. Feel free to follow if you'd like

I was supposed to do this last week

I was gonna make this a long drawn out post, but I've decided not to. In a nutshell, I cheated. I only get one freebie and I last weekend I went above and beyond that. I went to the swap meet with a friend and got a little out of control. Then I turned around and ordered 4 new polishes from Zoya (they were having a BOGO promo).

Soo yeah. That's that. I'm super broke and have learned my lesson. I'm hoping I do better in April....

Here's a pic of what I bought at the swap meet (the earrings are from Aldo):

I made this widget at

Lust Worthy: Rings Pt. 2

"Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate your own kind? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much so that you don’t want to be around each other?"

--Malcolm X

Summer, Summer. Where art thou Summer???

"Mystic Brew" - Ronnie Foster

*I've literally listened to this song about 6/7times since discovering it in the wee hours of the morning. I am in love with it. Tribe's Electric Relaxation is one of my fave songs ever. So to actually hear the song that they sampled is just....bliss! lol

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I read this article on clutch, and it really got me to thinking. I really want more black female friends.

I don't have a lot of friends period, and quite frankly, I would prefer not to have too many. But I would like a group of black girlfriends to go to lunch with, text on a daily (make that weekly) basis, and just have fun with. I know that a good friend is just that despite the color of their skin or racial makeup. But there's something about having a friend that looks like you that, for lack of better terms, just feels "right".

Other races can't comprehend our struggle. They don't know how it feels to be alone in a room full of people. How it feels to be at the bottom of the social (and racial) barrel. I can't talk to my white roommate the way I can talk to my black bestie (ignore tha fact that one is just a roomy and the other actually a friend. you know where I'm going with this...). We as black women would hypothetically be more understanding than a woman of any other race.

With all that being said, it saddens me, that in my four years here I wasn't able to befriend a black female. I will definitely take the brunt of the blame. I'm personally not good at making friends. I'm shy, quiet, and would rather work than go out. However, I did actually go out of my way and out of my comfort zone to make friends. Went out to sorority stuff, smiled at every black face I saw, spoke first and tried to give a compliment. What I noticed, is that I really just don't fit in. Many of the blacks here are cliquey. They like to party. And if they've never seen you at a BSO meeting or any other similar club meeting, they won't even look your way. It sucks. They act as though if you don't get involved in that sort of stuff, then you're lesser than. And that is definitely not the case.

But whatever. In two months, I'm heading back to Long Beach. Hopefully me and the bestie can find us some home girls and be like "Girlfriends" (the show). lol

John Coltrane - Aisha

Friday, March 25, 2011

o_0 Could it be...

..that he's actually here? that he never left?

i honestly don't know what to make of this...

part of me hopes it was him and that I still have a chance.

the other part of me doesn't even wanna bother with it.

wowzers is the only word my mind can grasp

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Just needed to bookmark this "hairstyle"...seems easy enough for me to make an everyday style


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I want to take my niece to the beach

I have a whole list of things that I would like to do this summer. One of them, is to wrangle up my two brothers, scoop up my niece, and take her to the beach. I don't know why I want to (maybe it's cause I miss her, and them), but I am determined to do it, and many other things this summer

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I get headaches
Little small ones
I feel my eyebrows raise
And my shoulders tense up
My eyes get heavy
And I sit
Not knowing what to do
Not knowing how to stop it
Combat it
So I've forced myself to live.
I live with headaches
Tense shoulders
Heavy eyes
In a state of calm
A state of worry
A state of now...

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Lust Worthy: Rings Pt. 1

*I decided to split the rings into three post. Here is part 1:



who is this girl? this girl is not me. i want to go back to the girl i used to be. i've had my fun, but now i'm done. and i just want to get back to the old, new me.

get closer to the Lord and stop making dumb decisions when i'm bored. and just get back to the old, new me...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

So I think I'm gonna decrease my social networking. i already deactivated my facebook and have been okay without it because I've been glued to Tumblr. But I'm gonna stop getting on to that so much. So that leaves me with blogs and books. So I'm sticking with that. I'll be blogging a little more (hopefully) and reading. I'm sure I'll find other things to occupy my brain as well. But yeah. That's that. Decreasing my social networking, increasing things that actually stimulate my brain.....

*just thought I'd share
So last week I had an interview for an internship opportunity. I applied for the internship in like November, and didn't here back from them until two/three weeks ago. I went to the interview not really wanting the position. I mean, if I were to actually to get it, I would only be there for a about two months. So I was just kind of over it before I went there. But to my surprise, I actually had a really good interview. So good that not only did I convince them that I would be a good fit for their internship program, but I also convinced myself that I was actually interested in working yet another job whilst finishing up my last semester.

But of course, that didn't last long. A few days ago, they sent me an email detailing an assignment that I’m supposed to do as part of their second interviewing process.

o_0. I was just like wtf. I haven’t even started my project(s) for my classes. I’m not going out of my way to do that.

As much as I would LOVE to gain some extra experience (as well as an extra paycheck), I just don’t think it’s worth it. The “assignment” is due by the 21st. They won’t contact us until a week after letting us know whether or not we got the internship. Assuming they did hire me, I wouldn’t be starting until sometime in April. My ass graduates in May! I’m not going to stress myself out trying to keep up with all this stuff in my last two months of school. Screw that. I’d rather just change my spending habits so that my lifestyle fits my income and deal with it. In two months, I’ll be back with my parents, eating all they food. So I’ll just take my little experience, degree having self out there and worry later. For now, I’m chilling…

I'm flattered by the offer though. =)


Zoya "Kelly" and "Fifi" by Icing

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. Granted, I should be thankful I even get a check. Some people don't get one. Every month, I know I'm getting paid. It's usually less than expected, but it' always there. And I should be grateful. And I am. But I don't want this life. I don't want to worry. I'm always nervous about whether or not I'll have enough money to last me until next pay day. Enough to pay bills, keep my gas tank full, keep food in my fridge. I don't know if it's paranoia or legit. But it's there, and I don't like it. And I don't want to live like this forever. And I won't...

Lust Worthy: Bracelets

*I haven't done a lust worthy post in ages. But that's gonna change. I have about 5 that I'm going to be posting in the next few days. I was perusing the charm and chain website at work today and nearly flat-lined from all the gorgeous pieces they have on their sight. Of course I can't afford any of them, but I can lust over them. lol. I found so many pieces that I have to break them up into separate posts. Today, I'm starting with bracelets:

all seen here

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

We Got to do Better

I'm working out so I can look like this


*I love her shape. I feel like once I lose my gut, I could look similar to that. I can't explain why I like it, I just know I do. lol

No Shopping Update

So me and the bestie decided that we can have one "free" purchase. Basically we can buy one thing that isn't a necessity that we really want and it won't count against us.

We (well, more me than her lol) also decided that hair products count as a necessity.

So, once I pay bills, I'll be purchasing some bee-mine hair products. I don't know if I want sample sizes or just go balls out and buy the regular size. I think I'll let my bank account decide that for me. lol. I do, however, know what I'll be purchasing. I want to try out their DC, hair butter, and hair milk. I'm hoping the 3 products will help in my healthy hair journey and become 3 staple products. I really don't want to be a pj (product junkie). I want to find a few products that work for me, and keep them as permanent fixtures in my routine.

As far as my one freebie goes, I think I want a light sweater, preferably in grey. I can't decide if I want a zip-up hoodie or a cardigan though. A cardi is so cute and girly and that is the style direction I'm leaning towards. However, I've been wanting a grey zip-up for the longest. Eh, I'll figure it out. Most likely when I don't expect to. lol

I also want a cute head scarf. It would be nice to have one for the Spring.....

I made this widget at
I used my paper to write on....and I think I want to share

Not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon. Soon, I will share. Not all of them, but some. I'll let you in, so I can breath. And get closer to freedom.

Monday, March 14, 2011

I just want to be a better me

I love myself. love my flaws. love what I have become. But, it never hurts to better ones self. I want to lose weight. Grow out some thick, healthy hair. And continue to grow, learn, and love.

Today I did my workout tape for the first time in months. It's my first step to getting my body into MY ideal shape (emphasis on MY - i don't care what people believe I should look like, as long as I'm comfortable and happy, i'm good). As soon as I get paid, I'll be going out to purchase food that can't be prepared in the microwave. I'll be cooking dinner, not just heating it up (unless it's left-overs of course). And no more eating out as much.

I'll be really paying attention to my hair as well. Trying out products that I believe can help me get to MY ideal length - again, emphasis on MY. Same goes for protection styles. I won't be straightening my hair as much and I'll do the styles that I like. Screw what the "others" think!

As far as growing, learning, and loving goes, I'm in the process of doing that as well. Less mindless internet surfing and dumb shows. More books, documentaries, articles that teach and/or make me think, and reading Psalms and Proverbs nightly. I'm growing by relying on my own thoughts and not being swayed by others opinions, which actually leads me to love. By being more secure in my own mind and ways, I'm learning to be more secure in me as a whole which in turn becomes a love for me as a whole. By loving myself, I've also realized that I have a lot of love to share. I want to relinquish that love. Stop being shy, open up more, and just love.

I wrote this a while back, and I'll use it as the conclusion to this post:

"I want to love.
I have so much feeling in my body
So much love in my heart
An urge to nurture in my soul
And all I want to do is love.
I want to give it away
Share it
Explore it
And just love.
But I don't know how
And I don't know to who..."

And then you read something that lets you know you're not alone...

i saw this article on Clutch regarding not having the desire to be in a relationship. Straight up truth.

Here's the comment I left on the site. It's basically my feelings (in a small nutshell, I could write about this all day) on the subject:

"Glad to know I'm not alone. I've never had the desire to be in a relationship and have yet to meet a guy who made me crave that. I just never felt as though I was ready. I needed to learn myself...I'm still learning myself. And honestly, how can love and respect someone else (and get the same in return), if I don't even know how to love and respect myself??
I'm also afraid of depending on someone else for my happiness. I want to make me happy before I get into a relationship. Be happy and secure with myself before I spew all my insecurities onto a man..."

"Memory Lane" - Minnie Riperton

Sunday, March 13, 2011

seen here: AfRo LaDy:

styles to try...

*i'll be editing this post as I find more styles


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Hair Post

*here are a few styles that I've been trying out. (VERY picture heavy)

And a complete FAIL. lol :