Style to Try

Hair Post

I decided to wear my hair out today. I was pretty nervous at first. I thought people would stare the same way I was staring at myself in the mirror. lol. But once I get outside, I noticed that no one gave a crap. I got the same amount of looks that I would on a day to day basis. Realizing that people were too busy minding their own, I was able to relax. And once I did that, I forgot my hair was "different" (until I saw my reflection), and went on with my errands as normal. It was nice being free. Nice to just walk around like myself. It really felt good to like me and not worry (too much) about others perception.

I'm noticing that I'm not happy. I'm content. I'm content with myself. I like myself. I love myself, flaws and all. But I'm not happy. And I really want to be. I don't how to be though. And I think it's gonna take more than moving back home to get to happiness. Normally, this would be the point that I would say that I would be happy in the summer. I'll work my way to happiness when I have free time. When I'm having fun with family and friends. But not this time, that's not good enough. I have to work on it now. If I'm not happy now, I'm not gonna be happy when I'm home. It's not the city. It's me. I don't know why and I don't know how to get happy. But I do know that I need to change something. And I need to start trying to figure out exactly what it is I need to change before I go home.

Anyways, that was just a thought I had while typing this up. Some times, you just gotta let stuff out. With that being said, here are some pics from today:







I wanted to see how my hair would look in a puff:

LA Meet-Up

June 25th. I am so there. She has more info about it on the actual youtube page. So I would suggest watching it on youtube....

*Bestie if you're reading this, you and me for sure got to go! lol

Nappy Head Pt. 2

Moving back home is gonna be difficult. Not because I won't have as much space or because I won't be free. But because my parents don't "understand" my hair.

Last night my mom said to me "whats up with the hair?" When I told her I liked it this way, she looked at me and said well you know it looks "nappy" right? I just looked at her. Had nothing to say. She then asked why I keep it like "that" and I told her it's cause I don't feel comfortable with my hair straight. I then proceeded to tear up and cry. I couldn't help it. I hate to cry, but at that moment I realized that this journey was no longer going to be easy.

I've been sheltered in SD. I'm out there with all those white people. If anyone says anything about my hair, it's usually a compliment. I can walk around my apt, shower cap on, dc-ing and pre-pooing in peace. Come June, I'll no longer be able to do that. Ridicule and side eyes await me at home.

I'm going to have to go at this alone in my house. Depending on the internet and my one friend to keep me from the flat iron. It sucks. I wish I had some sort of support at home. But I don't, and there is no use in crying over it (well, not anymore).

That conversation last night also showed me how necessary my t-shirt line is. Not just for me, but for anyone out there dealing with my same situation. Anyone being bought up in an environment where you're happiness in your uniqueness is being stifled by the systematic thoughts of a monolithic society. There is an official fire burning inside me. I thought I would be able to share my plans with my parents, but I know now that I can't. So I'll be going at it alone. And that's fine. I don't need a team behind me. Just a dream, a friend, and some faith, and I have all three.

I will be who God intended me to be. I will let my voice be heard. I will wear my hair natural and free. And I won't let anyone stifle me!


*s/n. I ended up lying to my mom and told her that I was crying because I was tired of being in school and SD all together. Which I am. I'm also nervous about what I'm going to do after school. How I'm gonna keep my bills paid, and etc. But not tired or nervous enough to make me cry. Those thoughts are easily forgotten with music and monster.com. lol

Nappy Head

I remember one time my dad called me nappy head. It hurt me so much so, that to this day I still bring it up in discussions with my mom and siblings. Not that time he whooped me, the lectures, or the countless times he’s told me off for whatever reason. I bring up that one moment. That one word hurt me so much. Not the word itself, but the negativity and malice surrounding it. Nappy. My hair is nappy, and kinky, and coily, and curly. It’s beautiful. But at that moment, it was hideous. Ugly. Negative. it was one of my many insecurities.

I used to hate going outside of my house when my hair wasn’t pressed. My skin would crawl. Stomach turn. Complete anxiety over the thought of anyone outside my family getting a glimpse of my nappy hair. This is how I, and countless other girls grew up. Being afraid to showcase our crowns. Looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly girl. Ignoring our beauty.

It’s hard being burdened with an ideal beauty. Being one of the only races who can’t submit. Black, nappy, and curvy growing up in a place that worships pale, straight, and thin. It’s damn near impossible to have any type of self esteem.

But I do.

I’m more comfortable in my naps than I’ve ever been. And it for sure ain’t easy. I’m the only one with super coarse hair. My step-mom’s side got Indian in they’re blood (like, for reals. they really do). So it’s easier to manage their hair. And even though my maternal grandfather is something (I think Mexican. his cousins are straight up Compton cholo’s), my daddy’s genes are strong and I’m as black as they come. I think the difficulty of it all, makes my mental victory that much sweeter. To stand up and love me, despite what I’ve been trained all my life. It is a wonderful feeling indeed.

So, to all the girls (and boys) out there who feel the sting of the phrase “nappy head,” i feel your pain. But know, that you are beautiful. Wear your crown proud, cause it is glorious. Revel in the uniqueness of your tresses. Stand up tall, confidence and self-esteem intact, and let the oppressors know, that you’re not succumbing to the “ideal” anymore!

Bought

Bee Mine "Bee Hold Curly Butter"

I'm so excited to finally have this product. It cost a little more than I'm usually willing to spend, but shipping was free and I was determined to have it! lol. Hopefully it works and last me a long while.

I have to speak on the shipping. Not only was it free, but it was quick. I placed my order after 1pm on Friday (04/23) and received it today (Monday, 04/25). I have NEVER received anything that fast! If I never need other hair products, I am for sure going through them again.

Bought from BGLH marketplace

Hair Post

I wore my hair out at school today. I've never gone to class or work with my hair just...out. It's usually in a french braid, twist, or a small puff. Never just out. Technically it is in a puff, but it's a big one. I added the flat twist in front because i couldn't go all out and just wear an afro. I also had to pin some hair up because the ends are straight and it looked weird. All in all, although I felt like some people were staring, I felt really good with this style. I felt confident and I really thought I looked cute with it. lol








the earrings:




**I can't wait for my hair to get bigger!!!

Hair Post

Here are some styles I tried out this week.



after I cowashed. Do you see that heat damage? It used to be worse. So I won't even complain.





tuck and roll. sorry the pics are so blurry. for whatever reason, i couldn't get a good pic. this style was very easy, very quick, and cute. however, it was a little too "nice" for an everyday style.





a roller set on wet hair. i was surprised i actually liked this. it came out much better than expected. i'll have to tweak it a bit. but it's cute nonetheless.







turban. i think this look is dope. and i will for sure be stepping my scarf game up. lol

here's the scarf:

Random

Just needed to bookmark this "hairstyle"...seems easy enough for me to make an everyday style



(source)

No Shopping Update

So me and the bestie decided that we can have one "free" purchase. Basically we can buy one thing that isn't a necessity that we really want and it won't count against us.

We (well, more me than her lol) also decided that hair products count as a necessity.

So, once I pay bills, I'll be purchasing some bee-mine hair products. I don't know if I want sample sizes or just go balls out and buy the regular size. I think I'll let my bank account decide that for me. lol. I do, however, know what I'll be purchasing. I want to try out their DC, hair butter, and hair milk. I'm hoping the 3 products will help in my healthy hair journey and become 3 staple products. I really don't want to be a pj (product junkie). I want to find a few products that work for me, and keep them as permanent fixtures in my routine.

As far as my one freebie goes, I think I want a light sweater, preferably in grey. I can't decide if I want a zip-up hoodie or a cardigan though. A cardi is so cute and girly and that is the style direction I'm leaning towards. However, I've been wanting a grey zip-up for the longest. Eh, I'll figure it out. Most likely when I don't expect to. lol

I also want a cute head scarf. It would be nice to have one for the Spring.....



I made this widget at MyFlashFetish.com.

I just want to be a better me

I love myself. love my flaws. love what I have become. But, it never hurts to better ones self. I want to lose weight. Grow out some thick, healthy hair. And continue to grow, learn, and love.

Today I did my workout tape for the first time in months. It's my first step to getting my body into MY ideal shape (emphasis on MY - i don't care what people believe I should look like, as long as I'm comfortable and happy, i'm good). As soon as I get paid, I'll be going out to purchase food that can't be prepared in the microwave. I'll be cooking dinner, not just heating it up (unless it's left-overs of course). And no more eating out as much.

I'll be really paying attention to my hair as well. Trying out products that I believe can help me get to MY ideal length - again, emphasis on MY. Same goes for protection styles. I won't be straightening my hair as much and I'll do the styles that I like. Screw what the "others" think!

As far as growing, learning, and loving goes, I'm in the process of doing that as well. Less mindless internet surfing and dumb shows. More books, documentaries, articles that teach and/or make me think, and reading Psalms and Proverbs nightly. I'm growing by relying on my own thoughts and not being swayed by others opinions, which actually leads me to love. By being more secure in my own mind and ways, I'm learning to be more secure in me as a whole which in turn becomes a love for me as a whole. By loving myself, I've also realized that I have a lot of love to share. I want to relinquish that love. Stop being shy, open up more, and just love.

I wrote this a while back, and I'll use it as the conclusion to this post:

"I want to love.
I have so much feeling in my body
So much love in my heart
An urge to nurture in my soul
And all I want to do is love.
I want to give it away
Share it
Explore it
And just love.
But I don't know how
And I don't know to who..."

styles to try...

*i'll be editing this post as I find more styles












up-do

Hair Post

*here are a few styles that I've been trying out. (VERY picture heavy)


































And a complete FAIL. lol :

Hair-spiration

*pretty picture heavy





























All seen here: http://hairlikeme.tumblr.com/ and here http://fuckyeahnaturalhair.tumblr.com/