As I get older, I'm realizing that I'm super sensitive.

But not about things that affect me. Say what you want about me, I’ll give you the side eye and keep it pushing. Try to knock me down, I’ll stand up, look you up and down, and continue on as I was (but better). Do these things to my brothers, my friends, the girl across the street, that guy I’ve never met, and I get completely livid. Hurt my brother, I cuss you out now and cry later. Call the President a fraud, I rant and weep.

I’m a sensitive ass female. Not for me, but for them. Maybe that’s a drawback of being a poet….

It is imperative that my next tattoo have something to do with freedom.

So I've basically just been going through the motions lately. I'm here, but not really "here". I've pretty much checked out.

In 3months, I'll be receiving my bachelor's degree. Hopefully soon after I'll be working. My brain has shut down, so I don't exactly what I want to do. But I have a very good work ethic, I'm very driven, and I was blessed with two fantastic role models to emulate. So, I know I'll be successful.

how do u know u had fun, if u dont remember it?

I get really pissed off when I think about people my age. When I look around, all Isee is the same people doing all the same shiit. Drinking, smoking, partying, and just all around fuckery. you mean to tell me that there's not a single person who is into something different?

it just makes no sense to me. why is our generation so damn simple. i know i’m generalizing. but damn. what is wrong with everyone. is there a reason why you can’t think for yourself and do what feels right to you. I know for a fact that not everyone gets the same euphoric feelings when doing the shiit that is deemed normal. ugh. lame ass, basic bitches. makes me sick…

*rant, OVER!

Sometimes I wish I could I be one of those people that aren't doing shiit with their lives. One of those people that don't have a job, don't have school. Those people that get to just chill out and enjoy the weather. But then I think to myself, that if I one of those people I would be stuck. As much as I hate not having breaks and hate always having to do something. At least Im not stuck. Im in school so that one day I can create my own hours. I work so that one day I don't have to owe and bow down to any creditor. It sucks, but when you enjoy things and enjoy having a house and enjoy being blessed, you just got to suck it up and do what you gotta do. Cause it will pay off in the long run. And even though I can't chill out now, Im setting myself up for a grand vacation later!

I went to my local barnes and noble the other day to check out some poetry books and I just had to a take a picture of this ish.

Do you see that? They seriously only had 4 Langston Hughes books, 2 of which I already own. I seriously couldnt believe it. They're straight lackin. They had a bunch of Emily Dickenson and Shakespeare books, but only four hughes' books....psh. Couldnt believe that...


I just had to share.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” - Carl Rogers





Each day I'm loving myself more and more. I'm less concerned about what others are doing, and more concerned about what feels right to me. Above all else, each day, I'm growing.

Re-evaluation

I believe the media has to much control over society. The internet, music, movies, tv they all tell us what we as a whole should be thinking, doing, etc.

I want to be an individual again. I want to be me.

I've deactivated my facebook and I wont be getting on until at least the end of the semester.

I've decided to decrease how much mindless internet browsing I do. Pick a few a blogs, a fave show (NCIS of course), and some news and just stick to logging onto those sites.

And of course log on for school stuff too.


I want to read and write more.


I'm basically tuning out.

Of course I'll continue to blog. It's my own thoughts, so its not impacting me negatively.

But I just need a break.

I need to love me. Love my body. Love my brain. Love my life.

And technology really doesnt do a good job of allowing the individual to love themselves.

Get Out Of My Head!

I am obsessed with a man I dont even know.



Luckily for me, he has dissapeared off the face of the earth.


Hopefully he doesn't reappear anytime soon....

I'm a Virgin

I'm 21 years old and have never had sex. I've never even done anything sex related. No oral, no penetration, no hand jobs, dry humping, nada. All I've done is kiss...and not even that many people. Just one guy since I've been in college.

Sometimes I feel ashamed that I've never done anything. All these girls around me talking about what theyve done. Every blog, song, show, etc talking about it. I feel like I'm missing out.

Other times, I feel liberated. Knowing that in this sex filled age, I've been able to hold onto something so sacred. Knowing that I love and respect myself enough to wait until I've found someone worthy enough of giving something so precious. And most important (to me at least), knowing that I'm not some cliche. That I'm different and stand out from the rest.

The most prevelant and most frequent feelings are that of the former. I usually feel bad for not being "that" girl. Sometimes so bad, that I've often thought of calling up the ONE guy in sd who has actually shown some type of interest in me, and hooking up with him just because I know he'd do it and so that I can say I did it.

This guy chased me for about 2 or so years. And I gave him little to no play. Yet he still tried, and I let him. Not because I'm interested, but because there is no one else.

It's very selfish of me, but I kind of cant help it. I've been out here for a little over 3yrs now and I've only had about 3guys actually try to talk to me. One just wanted sex, the other did too but want so bold about it, and the last is the guy above.

So I answer every txt, i.m, and all of that just in case. Just in case I never find anyone. Just in case I can;t take it anymore and wanna give up my goods. At least I know he likes me, eventhough I don't like him.

This city is a trip. It makes me love myself and hate myself all in the same breath.

I can't help but wonder why no guys will talk to me.

I look in the mirror and see that my skin isnt look to great. I think to myself, that must be it. But then I'll see a girl with a face full of bumps with a boy on her arm...

I hop out the shower and watch my gut and love handles flop around. I think to myself, I'm too fat thats why. But then I'll see an ultra obese chick all boo'd up....

I think to myself, maybe I'm too shy and unapproachable. Then I see an ultra shy girl with a boyfriend.

I try to smile, but just get looked over...

I just dont know what it is. What is wrong with me, that all these girls have boyfriends and boo's, and I can't even get a simple hello.

I really just dont understand. And it's seriously getting to me. I'm lonely as hell. And it sucks!

I Turned 21 This Week

You'd think I'd be happy.

But I haven't been sadder.

In this city,

I have no friends

No family

No life


All I do is go to class, go to work, and fantasize about clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, and "him"


I dont know what's wrong with me.

I dont want to go out. But I hate staying in.


People ask me to go party with them, and I graciously decline.
But I'll spend my whole day out at the mall by myself. And the whole time I'm there, all I can think about is how lonely I am.


I don't know whats wrong with me.

I feel so emotional, yet I have no emotions.

I feel like crying, but I have no tears.

I want to do something with myself, but I have zero energy.


All I think about is money, jewelry, and "him"

Not the him that lives in my mind, the "him" that is real and wont talk to me.

Bah...but enough about that...



I want to go home....excuse me....I NEED to go home.

These feelings cant be healthy. If I don't get some peace of mind, they'll become a hinderance. And I cant have that.....

i wanna give up....but God wont let me.


i guess i'm supposed to be somebody(?)