Sometimes I feel like an outcast.

I don't like to drink, go to clubs, party, etc.

I do my own thing. Don't follow. Just do what feels right to me.

I like to be with family. And have no problem ditching my friends to kick it with my brothers.


Sometimes not fitting in sucks.

But then I remember how dope I am for not being the same.

For not talking the same, thinking the same, and being able to think on my own.


I am an outcast, I dont fit in, and I dont want to.

I like that I know me. I like that I do things for me. And I LOVE that I'm able to feel comfortable in every situation I choose to put myself in.

I live with no regrets because I think and do for me and my family!

This MUST be Shared

http://clutchmagonline.com/lifeculture/feature/a-paean-to-the-flyness/

Poor Pussy Management

*This made me laugh!!!

I Accept Rachel's Challenge

This is so beautiful to me...


Here's a link to see in a better view: http://www.cambio.com/shows/cambio-cares/rachel-s-challenge

The Man Who Thinks He Can

by Walter D. Wintle

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost,
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are:
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.

I wrote this poem while listening to "Four Women" by Nina Simone...It is heavily influenced by that song.


My skin is dark
My skin is smooth
It has few flaws
It is beautiful.

My lips are plump
My eyes are black
My face is not pretty
It is beautiful.

My hair is short
My hair is kinky
It is untamed
It is beautiful.

My stomach is round
My love handles are prevelant
It has stretch marks all over
It is beautiful.

I am not the traditional standeard of beauty
My stomach is not flat
My hair is not straight
My skin is not light
My hips are not wide
My butt is not big

I am not what I should be
I am just what I am
I am beautiful
I am lovely
I am gorgeous
I am unique
I am me!


--Angela

I really want to decorate my room. I have a about 3 posters and other little things adorning my walls, but I want a little more. I bought some letters to stick on my walls from the Dollar Tree and I decided that I was gonna use them to write out a poem on my closet door. But now I cant figure out what poem to do. I have three in mind (all by Langston Hughes of course. lol) Here they are:

1. Not What Was

By then the poetry is written
and the wild rose of the world
blooms to last so short a time
before its petals fall.
The air is music
and its melody a spiral
until it widens
beyond the tip of time
and so is lost
to poetry and the rose -


2. Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.


3. Youth

We have tomorrow
Bright before us
Like a flame.

Yesterday
A night-gone thing,
A sun-down name.

And dawn-today
Broad arch above the road we came.

We march!



Ugh. Such a difficult decision....

So I was cooking dinner and thinking about how excited I am that this semester is finally coming to a close, which in turn got me to thinking about Christmas and what I want.

Me being a single girl, I immediately thought I want a boy

Now, I've never really been one to want a boyfriend. But as I get older (I always feel so wierd saying that), I do want a "him"

I want a him in my life
A him to chill with
A him to talk to
A him to spend my nights with
A him to pass my days by
A him to talk to my friends about
A him to contemplate introducing to my parents
A him to think about
A him to yearn for
A him to have fun with
A him to be lazy and lay around with

Not just a boyfriend,
-or any boy

But a him
-someone special.

Hopefully Santa can fit him under my tree. =)

(lmao. I couldnt help but be cheesy)





*disclaimer: when I say him in this post, I dont mean the "him" that I've refered to in previous post. I mean a him whom I've yet to meet.

The Seducer

I’ve turned you on
Even from the couch
I’ve pushed your buttons
And you’re ready to entertain

Me, from across the room
You feed rainbow fantasies
Of the American Dream
Having a 4.5 folk

Family, twisting reality
Between seductive breaks
Of hedonistic indulgence
Hours we play this

Game, of me turning you on
And you teasing me
From across the room
Until I reach

For the remote



seen here : http://ainhd.blogspot.com/

For Freedom Not For Beauty

*Not sure if I'e posted this before..if i did, oh well.

By: Chrisette Michelle (yes, the singer)

There’s a beauty that lives so deep inside each of us.

There’s a fickle eye
that doesn’t believe anything it sees.

There’s a benefit in love that erases all doubt and believes good intentions.

There’s an ear that isn’t free enough to give the honest man the benefit of the doubt cluttered by lies not-mentioned.

Since when is creativity subject to criticism?

When is honesty subject to a jury of fears who wouldn’t believe rain if it fell, or sun if it shined?

Sometimes a flower grows when no one’s watching.

Sometimes a bird sings and no one hears.

There’s a meadow no one runs on and a cloud no one names.

And what would the sky be without the sun?

What would the earth be without its rose?

They’d still be the sky and the Earth.

So perhaps there is a peace in becoming.

Perhaps the meaning is in the experience and not the sight.

Maybe a flower grows because it suffocates under ground.

Whether or not she is always noticed, beauty must become.

She doesn’t look for an eye.
She doesn’t listen for a voice.
She just becomes,

For Freedom Not For Beauty

I Want....

This Coach clutch






...that is all.

I gotta get him out of my head




So this is the last time I'll mention him, until we meet




IF we meet

Exits

By Langston Hughes


The sea is deep,
A knife is sharp,
And a poison acid burns -
But they all bring peace
For which the tired
Soul yearns.
They all bring rest
In a nothingness
From where
No soul returns.

It's all in the Accessories

So I'm extremely into accessories. I believe that ur jewelry, shoes, purse, jacket, etc makes ur outfit NOT ur clothes. It seriously takes me longer to pick out my accessories than it does my clothes.

Anywho, I say all that in order to introduce my new "segment".

Instead of doing an outfit of the day post, I'm going to do accessories of the day. It's basically a way to showcase my "rings and things"

Hopefully I keep up with it.

Things That Make Me Smile

I went to my local barnes and noble the other day to check out some poetry books and I just had to a take a picture of this ish.

Do you see that? They seriously only had 4 Langston Hughes books, 2 of which I already own. I seriously couldnt believe it. They're straight lackin. They had a bunch of Emily Dickenson and Shakespeare books, but only four hughes' books....psh. Couldnt believe that...


I just had to share.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverbs 13:20

"A heart at peace gives life to the body."


Proverbs 14:30

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” - Carl Rogers





Each day I'm loving myself more and more. I'm less concerned about what others are doing, and more concerned about what feels right to me. Above all else, each day, I'm growing.

"What is poetry? It is the human soul entire, squeezed like a lemon or a lime, drop by drop, into atomic words."


-Langston Hughes

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a love sickness. "


-Robert Frost

Technology

So I'm sitting in the library meeting with my group tonight, and one of my group members says something very interesting. He looks around and says something to the effect of " wow, look at all these books. in a few years theyll be obsolete. We can do all our research and everything online." Another member shakes her head in agreement and says "yeah, i havent had to actually use a book for research since high school. my teacher made us all use an actual book, no internet."

As I sat there and listened to their conversation, I couldn't help but think about how I would feel if books were all of a sudden obsolete, and reading online was officially the norm.

I personaly don't like that idea. I love books. As wonderful as technology, and the internet, is, nothing beats being able to open a new (or old) book and having the ability to let your mind run free....



But yeah. I don't really know where I was going with this. I guess I just figured I'd share. lol

Wonderful Short Documentary

Shadeism from Shadeism on Vimeo.

Oh You Fancy Huh?

I've never actually heard that song (not a Drake fan). But it just seemed like a really good title.


I first wanted to go with a line from Clock with No Hands by The Roots. This line has been in my head since I first heard the song.


"I was married to a state of mind, but I divorced it."


Lately, I havent been thinking like myself. Besides my neverending fantansy's revoloving around "him", my normal thought process has been all out of whack.


You would think that thats a bad thing. But it's actually really good.


I've been less concerned about what the next persons doing, and more concerned about me. I've been feeling myself. I look in the mirror and I like what I see (so much so that I've been filling my cell phone up with daily pics. vain, I know. lol). I've been calm. Not letting my situation and the people around me get the best of my emotions.


I'm just, in a whole new frame of mind.


I don't know how or exactly when it happened, but I'm loving it. And I hope I keep it up!

And He's Back

Back in my head. Back in my thoughts. Back in my realm....


I hate it! -_-

Nail Polish of the Week

I'm pretty much in love with Essie's "Tart Deco" and China Glaze "Recycle". I just feel like they go together so well. Complete compliments. =)

Konad Plate M57 on the ring finger

Nail Color of the Week

"Van D'Go" by Essie, with a coat of a "Carnival" by Essie on top for the sparkles.


*I noticed that I'm wearing the exact same ring on all of my nail polish post as of late. Which is strange cause I actually dont wear that ring very often. lol*

Re-evaluation

I believe the media has to much control over society. The internet, music, movies, tv they all tell us what we as a whole should be thinking, doing, etc.

I want to be an individual again. I want to be me.

I've deactivated my facebook and I wont be getting on until at least the end of the semester.

I've decided to decrease how much mindless internet browsing I do. Pick a few a blogs, a fave show (NCIS of course), and some news and just stick to logging onto those sites.

And of course log on for school stuff too.


I want to read and write more.


I'm basically tuning out.

Of course I'll continue to blog. It's my own thoughts, so its not impacting me negatively.

But I just need a break.

I need to love me. Love my body. Love my brain. Love my life.

And technology really doesnt do a good job of allowing the individual to love themselves.

I Like This

first seen here: http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgossipinfo/jasmine-mans-dares-nicki-minaj-in-the-mis-education-of-barbie-doll/

Quote of The Day

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”



-Friedrich Nietzsche

Get Out Of My Head!

I am obsessed with a man I dont even know.



Luckily for me, he has dissapeared off the face of the earth.


Hopefully he doesn't reappear anytime soon....

Shopping Trip

I really can't stand anything in my closet anymore. I just feel like I have too mnay tshirts and ill fitting jeans.

So, today I decided to head out to the mall and see what I could find.

After being there for quit a few hours, I ended up with barely anything. I couldnt find a pair of jeans that fit me correctly, and only bought one shirt.

Although I couldn't find any cute clothes, I did get me some jewelry (of course. lol). I buy alot of jewelry, but I really had to share what I got today.


Rings and Earrings from H&M. Both necklaces from Forever 21.

I usually don't like to buy jewelry from Forever 21 because I don't like to see a bunch of people wearing the same ish as me. But when I saw those necklaces, I just had to have them. I couldn't even choose one, so I got both.

Here's a closer look:

Nail Color of the Week

This is actually last weeks nail art...but watev


Left Hand



Right Hand

Life...is Funny

It seriously is.

I've come to a point where I can either laugh or cry. I sometimes choose to chuckle. Every once in a while, I won't do either.

Family dynamics, gender inequality, racial backround.....it all makes for a laughable existence.

I won't get into detail about what's going on through my mind, but as I sit and assess my surroundings, think about my situation, and allow my mind to run wild, I seem to come to quite a few interesting conclusions. Most of which would make many people angry and many hurt. I, don't feel neither. I, feel nothing. I laugh, shake my head in content, and keep it pushing. If I didn't, I couldn't move on.



This is my life, and I'm living it.

Que sera, sera.

I Chose the Wrong Major

So I'm sitting in my Strategic Management class today, trying to pay attention as my professor explained our group project, and it hit me, I really shouldn't have been a business major.

I just really dont like it. I've seriously just been coasting through my classes. I don't retain the information because I don't care for any of it. I get good grades and pass all my classes because I just have a good memory and quite frankly, I'm just that darn smart.

But I just can't stand my major.

The only thing I'm actually interested in is the money. I love money. Not paper, just the ability it gives me. The ability to abtain the things that I like and the stress relief it gives me.

But as I sit through my classes, read over my notes, and read through my assigned chapters, I have to ask myself, "is it worth it?"

I dont know. I honestly won't know until my life really begins. Until I'm employed. Until I have a career.

I really hope that I chosethe right path. I know that given the current economic "situation," my business degree will definitely be a valuable asset in the real world. Let's just hope it will be a valuable asset to my sanity as well.

I am Unhappy

-_-

I'm a Virgin

I'm 21 years old and have never had sex. I've never even done anything sex related. No oral, no penetration, no hand jobs, dry humping, nada. All I've done is kiss...and not even that many people. Just one guy since I've been in college.

Sometimes I feel ashamed that I've never done anything. All these girls around me talking about what theyve done. Every blog, song, show, etc talking about it. I feel like I'm missing out.

Other times, I feel liberated. Knowing that in this sex filled age, I've been able to hold onto something so sacred. Knowing that I love and respect myself enough to wait until I've found someone worthy enough of giving something so precious. And most important (to me at least), knowing that I'm not some cliche. That I'm different and stand out from the rest.

The most prevelant and most frequent feelings are that of the former. I usually feel bad for not being "that" girl. Sometimes so bad, that I've often thought of calling up the ONE guy in sd who has actually shown some type of interest in me, and hooking up with him just because I know he'd do it and so that I can say I did it.

This guy chased me for about 2 or so years. And I gave him little to no play. Yet he still tried, and I let him. Not because I'm interested, but because there is no one else.

It's very selfish of me, but I kind of cant help it. I've been out here for a little over 3yrs now and I've only had about 3guys actually try to talk to me. One just wanted sex, the other did too but want so bold about it, and the last is the guy above.

So I answer every txt, i.m, and all of that just in case. Just in case I never find anyone. Just in case I can;t take it anymore and wanna give up my goods. At least I know he likes me, eventhough I don't like him.

This city is a trip. It makes me love myself and hate myself all in the same breath.

I can't help but wonder why no guys will talk to me.

I look in the mirror and see that my skin isnt look to great. I think to myself, that must be it. But then I'll see a girl with a face full of bumps with a boy on her arm...

I hop out the shower and watch my gut and love handles flop around. I think to myself, I'm too fat thats why. But then I'll see an ultra obese chick all boo'd up....

I think to myself, maybe I'm too shy and unapproachable. Then I see an ultra shy girl with a boyfriend.

I try to smile, but just get looked over...

I just dont know what it is. What is wrong with me, that all these girls have boyfriends and boo's, and I can't even get a simple hello.

I really just dont understand. And it's seriously getting to me. I'm lonely as hell. And it sucks!

I need to start working out again. Lately when I've been looking in the mirror, I haven't been liking what I'm seeing.

I think I might have gained weight. And I'm starting to feel real disgusting.

I don't feel comfortable in my body, and that is NOT okay.

It needs to change.

Hopefully this week I can get back on it. And start feeling good about myself again

I Turned 21 This Week

You'd think I'd be happy.

But I haven't been sadder.

In this city,

I have no friends

No family

No life


All I do is go to class, go to work, and fantasize about clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, and "him"


I dont know what's wrong with me.

I dont want to go out. But I hate staying in.


People ask me to go party with them, and I graciously decline.
But I'll spend my whole day out at the mall by myself. And the whole time I'm there, all I can think about is how lonely I am.


I don't know whats wrong with me.

I feel so emotional, yet I have no emotions.

I feel like crying, but I have no tears.

I want to do something with myself, but I have zero energy.


All I think about is money, jewelry, and "him"

Not the him that lives in my mind, the "him" that is real and wont talk to me.

Bah...but enough about that...



I want to go home....excuse me....I NEED to go home.

These feelings cant be healthy. If I don't get some peace of mind, they'll become a hinderance. And I cant have that.....

Lust Worthy

*Rings




Ariella



Juicy Couture


Juicy


Juicy


Melanie Lynn


Obey

Heartbreak is Inevitable

At some point in every persons life, they will suffer from some form of heartbreak. The most likely cause of this heartbreak will come from the one they thought they loved. It can and will happen to every single one of us.

I say this to myself all the time. I've even opened up and said it to those around me.

As much as we all like to think that we're above that (I - especially - like to think this way), we're all destined for this unfortuante fate.

I lack emotion. But even I know that there are just a few things in life that, no matter how hard you try to hide from it, it will catch you and you will feel it. These include, the inevitable "breakdown", the "lie", and of course, the whole purpose of this post, the "heartbreak - among others.


As I sit in my room, fantasizing about this man who has captivated my thoughts, even though I have yet to meet him, one thought seems to always creap in. That thought is that although I would love to meet him and live some fairy tale type romance, I kind of don't want to...

I've never had a boyfriend. And for very good reason. The whole relationship thing has just never been that appealing to me. I have never met anyone that makes me want to give them my time, my mind, my body, and my emotions. I;ve always felt that if I dont like some one enough to look past their flaws as well as my own selfishness, then there is no point in commiting to them. Because of this, I have remained single.

The only flaw with this type of thinking is fate....aka "heartbreak"

I've told myself that if I'm going to have my heart be broken by someone, they need to be the ish (in my eyes of course). I'm not gonna let some lame ass dude come in and screw me over. But by waiting for the guy that I fall head over heels for, and never having any type of test runs, that inevitable pain will hurt so much more.

What's my solution? Well, so far I've just been postponing the unavoidable.

Maybe that's why I dont look. If you look, you gotta smile. If you smile, they might wanna talk. If you talk, you both might fall. If you both fall, you might wanna commit. If you commit, you'll catch a bug (the love bug). When you fall in love, he'll eventually hurt you.

I'd really rather not deal with that.

Although I can't speak from experience, I imagine relationships are nothing but emotions. And since I'm not in touch with my emotions - and really dont wanna be - I'd much rather pass on that. Until, of course, I find someone who I yearn for so much that I'm willing to throw away all my previous convictions, and step into the world of the unknown.

Someone who I yearn for so much, that I'm willing to face the inevitable.

As humans, we face a few inevitable truths. One of them being pain. At some point in life, we will be hurt in the worst way.

I've managed to avoid this pain for years. I take my friends actions with a grain of salt. I tell myself that my family loves me, despite all the hurtful things they do. And I turn my head everytime a guy looks my way....


But I'm prepared for that inevitable....at least I hope I am

My People

*Inspiration for my next tattoo.

By : Langston Hughes

The night is beautiful,
So the faces of my people.

The stars are beautiful,
So the eyes of my people.

Beautiful, also, is the sun.
Beautiful, also, are the souls of my people.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

By : Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Just A Thought

The worst feeling in the world
Is to be surrounded by people who care for you
But, still feel lonely and empty inside.

Lust Worthy

* I have a few lust worthy post that im dieing to upload. Im just xtremely lazy... But Ill get on it pronto

Nail Polish of the Week

Same Essie color. With "Recycle" by China Glaze

Robot

By : Me

Don’t play dumb with me
You’re just as sensitive as everyone else.
Those words
Those actions
They all hurt.
I can see it
I can feel it
You can lie and pretend all you want
But you care
I know you do.
Although they may not flow as free,
The tears are there
The pain is real
The feelings do exist

You are not a robot.

There are no parts
No plugs
Just a heart
And a soul.
So don’t play dumb with me
You’re just as sensitive as me
And just remember that it’s okay to let those tears flow free.

I Think I Need A Break

From white people...


I know that sounds max racist. but it's truley how I'm feeling right now.


Maybe not all white people. but the stuck up, snootie, im better than you, i think im the shiit ones.

I just cant take it anymore.


I cant take being the only black person in a full class.


I cant take the stares. I cant take the rude-ness. And I cant stand being blantaly ignored.


As much as it sucks, I can't even be that mad at them..
I feel like they dont even do it on purpose. Theyre probably just so used to being that way, that it just comes natural.



Today in class we did an activity. We basically taped a piece of paper on our back with a bunch of traits, and our classmates had to put a check next to the word or words they felt described us. The words included "intelligent, clever, creative, likeable, calmness, confident" among others.

Out of all the people who did mine, not one put a check on intelligent. For some reason that really bothered me. I know I dont talk alot, but neither does more than half the class. And I know not everyone knows me, but seriously....I put a check by intelligent on every person I talked to. I mean we're freaking business majors. All in upper division. All about to graduate. So we're all obviously pretty damn intelligent.

It just kind of hurt that no one thought that I was. Or no one thought to check it. Maybe it's cause my big hoops and twist. Or tattoos and piercings. Or maybe it's "something else" (I'm not even gonna say it, but you know what I'm thinking)....

But yeah, I just really needed to get that off my chest. I dont have anyone to talk to out here. My roommates cool, but she's white, so she wouldnt understand. And I just dont have anyone out here that I'm close enough to to really "vent" to...



I'm in a very lonely place. Where no day is any better than the last. For right now, I'm just working and trying to pass my classes so I can get the hell out of here. Even if I never meet some really good friends (which to be frank, I dont think I ever will), I'll at least be with family. So I'll be a little happier....

Nail Color of the Week

Both colors by Essie: "Tart Deco" and "Chinchilly"


*My cell phone doesnt do a great job at capturing the colors..."Tart Deco" is much more bright in real life.

Untitled...Again

By : Me

I don’t think they like me.

They won’t sit next to me
They won’t talk to me
Barely even look at me when I walk by.

I hate to say it,
But I think it’s cause I’m black
Cause my hair’s dark and nappy
My skin’s dark and smooth
My lips big and beautiful
My voice soft and powerful.

Cause I’m on their level
Accomplishing the same things they are
Cause I have a strength they’ll never possess
Nor will they ever understand
And an anger they’ve come to expect
But never get to see.

I don’t think they like me.
And quite frankly,
I don’t think I care.

Another Untitled One

By : Me

I feel empty inside.
I’m forever trying to change
But never feeling fulfilled.

Something’s missing in my life,
But I don’t know what.

I like to think that I’m not superficial
So it can’t be material things.
I like to think that I don’t “need” anyone to make me happy
So it can’t be people.
I like to think that I’m over reacting
But I know how I feel
And I definitely feel empty.
Feel sad.
Feel incomplete.

I just wish I knew what was missing.

Untitled

By : Me

I have an insatiable urge
To write about “you.”
The “you” that actually exist
Not in my head
But in real life.
The “you” that I don’t know
Because I’m too afraid to speak.
The “you” that I haven’t met
Because every time I see “you”
I get nervous and look away.
The “you” that I haven’t spoken to
Because whenever I get any type of confidence and decide that
‘Today is the day that I’ll speak up (or at least wave)’
“You” disappear and I don’t see “you” for days.
The “you” that has no name
-Well, not a name that I’ve gotten to know.
The “you” that makes my heart stop when we lock eyes
And my stomach turn when you look my way.
The “you” that I’m trying to ‘get over’
Because I’m convinced you’re seeing someone.
The “you” that I still wanna meet
Because, well, maybe you’re not
And if I miss another opportunity
I won’t even know what to do with myself.
The “you” that I’ve managed to write about
Without ever even hearing your voice.

Damn, now that’s some kind of grip
“You” have on “me.”

Lust Worthy

*All these pics are random stuff that I have saved on my computer....enjoy

My Pride

By : Me

My pride
My pride keeps me from speaking up when something’s on my mind
For fear of what one might think of my words.
My pride inhibits me from looking up
For fear of what one might say when they look in eyes.
My pride stops me from putting on “that” outfit
For fear of how one might stare when they see me in it.
My pride won’t let me be happy with my daydreaming ways
For fear that someone will walk by and kill my high.
My pride is in direct correlation
With the fear that I swear I don’t have
The fear of what people think of me
The fear of just being me
The fear of loving me
In pure form.
 

Untitled

By : Me

I hate being the only black person in class.
Whenever the teacher mentions anything about black people;
It seems as though everyone turns around and looks.
It makes me feel uneasy.

I’ve gone to their parties – if you can even call them that
They sit around and drink
Hook up with random people
Some even do drugs.
I tried it for a while.
But I’ve come to realize
That it’s not my scene.

I’ve tried to associate with some of the black people here
But they’re fake.
They hang in cliques.
It reminds me of high school.
Some of them try to keep up with their pale peers
So I’m sure their parties are just the same.

Other races are kind of cool.
We chat in class
But they don’t understand me
The way I’d like them to.
So I never get too close.

I’m out of my element.
So rather than keep up,
I stay to myself.

I go out when I want
I drink when I want
I talk, socialize, and be typical
When I choose
Not when they do.

I occupy my time by focusing.
School comes first,
Then money.

And when I find time in between,
I focus on myself.

Understanding who I am,
Who I want to be
And forever staying true to me.

Quote of The Day

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more."

-Brother David Steindl-Rast

My Identity

I dont really care for this "poem"...but a promise is a promise....

By : Me

How do you identify me?
By my skin color
My gender
My clothes
My age
My tattoos
My hair
My occupation
My intelligence?

How do I identify me?
By my thoughts
My dreams
My family
My race
My culture
My background
My neighborhood?

How am I supposed to identify me?
What is an identity?
What makes me, me?

As a 20year old college student
Am I supposed to identify myself through the company I keep
Or by those that I don’t?
Am I supposed to dress a certain way
So that they know to view me in a certain light
Does the way I speak, look, act, etc
Create a sort of bias in the eyes of the identifier
If so,
Does that mean by trying to be identified
They’ve created a stereotype?
Do I identify me in the criteria of a stereotype?

What is my identity?
How do I identify me?
I don’t.
I just do me
And let everyone else do the work.

My New Purchase

I just feel like sharing my new purchase....I got these the other day. They had been calling my new for a long time. And I finally decided to get them. I had a coupon that could be used on brands that NEVER go on sell. Plus I got my employee discount (that's me rationalizing the purchase. lol)





Theyre Betsey Johnson. I got them from Macys and they were the last pair.

Theyre freakin AWESOME...now I just need more gold jewelry to go with em. lol

My Hair, My Crown (The Poem)

By : Me

A woman’s hair
Is supposed to be her crowning glory
But our hair is our cloak of shame.
A wooly, kinky, coily masterpiece
That if treated right
Can be shaped and sculpted into a ball of beauty.

But they won’t let us have that

They feed us images of straight
Chemical, weaved up, sewn up, permed up
Dyed hair

That is beauty.

Stringy, blonde, one trick pony
That can’t be touched.
They feed us an ideal.
An ideal beauty
That is a direct contradiction
Of our own natural grandeur.
Our natural, kinky mane
That is more diverse and gorgeous than it’s “allowed” to be

Blonde, brunette
Bed head, messy, side pony

Black, brown
Twisted, afro, French braids, fresh press
They wish they had our ball of mess.

When they look at my naps with a side eye
I grin.
Because I know that my kitchen can create
More beautiful styles than their string.

So as I maneuver in a chemical based
Weaved up, keep up with YT world
I chuckle.
Cause while they’re marching in line
Conforming and losing themselves
I’m nurturing my wholeness
And loving me.

A Week of Poetry

Every once in a while, I'll get into a crasy poetic mood.

I'll be sitting around, being normal...then BAM. My mind is taken over by melodic thoughts

It happens out the blue. I'll write so many poems. Sometimes for 30minutes....sometimes for hours. I cant sleep until every word, every pro, every thought is written out in its entirity.

Then, I won't write for months. It's quit strange. But I kind of love that my mind works like this....

Well, a few nights ago, Iwas overtaken. After a looong drought/witers block, I was able to write about 5/6 (maybe 7) poems in just a few hours.

I've decided to share these writings with you. I'll be posting one a day for the whole week...


And since this blog is conviently titled "To Poetry and the Rose", I decided that I need to get back to my roots and start posting more poems. I've managed to stray away and I really want to get back on track. So I'm gonna try my hardest to post a poem a week.

Things I Want

I've been compiling a list of things that I really wanna buy once I get enough money...it's mainly clothes and shoes. i was also want some jewelry, but that deserves its own post. ;)




Cargo Pants



Flannel Shirt



Underwear



Cute bra



Cute Cardigan



A piar of maoccasins



More Threads 4 Thoughts t-shirts (they fit sooo freakin good)





Clothes from Pink by Victoria Secret


And of course



Money, so I can actually pay for it all.




*Jewelry post coming soon...

Hair Post

On Monday I decided to twist my hair for the first time.

The night before I washed and deep conditioned my hair. I then put Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Hair Lotion in my hair and detangled it. Then put in about 7 french braids going all the way back. I let my hair air dry over night (and all through the day).


That night, I took out the french braids, parted my hair into four sections, and just dived right in. I've never twisted my hair before, so it was definitely an experience. I decided to do flat twist in the front on one side and individual twist every where else. In all, it took me about an hour and 45min. I was txting, talking, and taking breaks here and there, so it took me a little longer than it probably should have.


Here's the final result :

Flat twist on the side



Individuals








I'm seriously gonna be wearing this style all the time now. Im talking literally every week. I may try a twist-out style, but this is definitely my new "go to". lol