Friday, April 29, 2011
Last night my mom said to me "whats up with the hair?" When I told her I liked it this way, she looked at me and said well you know it looks "nappy" right? I just looked at her. Had nothing to say. She then asked why I keep it like "that" and I told her it's cause I don't feel comfortable with my hair straight. I then proceeded to tear up and cry. I couldn't help it. I hate to cry, but at that moment I realized that this journey was no longer going to be easy.
I've been sheltered in SD. I'm out there with all those white people. If anyone says anything about my hair, it's usually a compliment. I can walk around my apt, shower cap on, dc-ing and pre-pooing in peace. Come June, I'll no longer be able to do that. Ridicule and side eyes await me at home.
I'm going to have to go at this alone in my house. Depending on the internet and my one friend to keep me from the flat iron. It sucks. I wish I had some sort of support at home. But I don't, and there is no use in crying over it (well, not anymore).
That conversation last night also showed me how necessary my t-shirt line is. Not just for me, but for anyone out there dealing with my same situation. Anyone being bought up in an environment where you're happiness in your uniqueness is being stifled by the systematic thoughts of a monolithic society. There is an official fire burning inside me. I thought I would be able to share my plans with my parents, but I know now that I can't. So I'll be going at it alone. And that's fine. I don't need a team behind me. Just a dream, a friend, and some faith, and I have all three.
I will be who God intended me to be. I will let my voice be heard. I will wear my hair natural and free. And I won't let anyone stifle me!
*s/n. I ended up lying to my mom and told her that I was crying because I was tired of being in school and SD all together. Which I am. I'm also nervous about what I'm going to do after school. How I'm gonna keep my bills paid, and etc. But not tired or nervous enough to make me cry. Those thoughts are easily forgotten with music and monster.com. lol
Thursday, April 28, 2011
- Drink plenty of water.
- Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
- Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
- Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
- Play more games.
- Read more books than you did in 2010.
- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
- Sleep for 7 hours.
- Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
- Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
- Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
- Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
- Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
- Dream more while you are awake.
- Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
- Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
- Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
- Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
- No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
- Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
- Smile and laugh more.
- You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
- Call your family often.
- Each day give something good to others.
- Forgive everyone for everything.
- Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
- Try to make at least three people smile each day.
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
- Do the right thing!
- Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
- However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
- No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
- The best is yet to come.
- Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I used to hate going outside of my house when my hair wasn’t pressed. My skin would crawl. Stomach turn. Complete anxiety over the thought of anyone outside my family getting a glimpse of my nappy hair. This is how I, and countless other girls grew up. Being afraid to showcase our crowns. Looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly girl. Ignoring our beauty.
It’s hard being burdened with an ideal beauty. Being one of the only races who can’t submit. Black, nappy, and curvy growing up in a place that worships pale, straight, and thin. It’s damn near impossible to have any type of self esteem.
But I do.
I’m more comfortable in my naps than I’ve ever been. And it for sure ain’t easy. I’m the only one with super coarse hair. My step-mom’s side got Indian in they’re blood (like, for reals. they really do). So it’s easier to manage their hair. And even though my maternal grandfather is something (I think Mexican. his cousins are straight up Compton cholo’s), my daddy’s genes are strong and I’m as black as they come. I think the difficulty of it all, makes my mental victory that much sweeter. To stand up and love me, despite what I’ve been trained all my life. It is a wonderful feeling indeed.
So, to all the girls (and boys) out there who feel the sting of the phrase “nappy head,” i feel your pain. But know, that you are beautiful. Wear your crown proud, cause it is glorious. Revel in the uniqueness of your tresses. Stand up tall, confidence and self-esteem intact, and let the oppressors know, that you’re not succumbing to the “ideal” anymore!
I’m a sensitive ass female. Not for me, but for them. Maybe that’s a drawback of being a poet….
Monday, April 25, 2011
I need to start writing things down. Make it more concrete.
I also need a name for my line. and some money so I can get it off the ground.
I pray my enthusiasm and passion doesn't fade before I'm able to secure the funds to make this happen. I don't believe it will. But you just never know...
Bee Mine "Bee Hold Curly Butter"
I'm so excited to finally have this product. It cost a little more than I'm usually willing to spend, but shipping was free and I was determined to have it! lol. Hopefully it works and last me a long while.
I have to speak on the shipping. Not only was it free, but it was quick. I placed my order after 1pm on Friday (04/23) and received it today (Monday, 04/25). I have NEVER received anything that fast! If I never need other hair products, I am for sure going through them again.
Bought from BGLH marketplace
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
*If you ever wanted to know more about me.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I had to go to the mall today to return some merchandise. Instead of taking the freeway, I decided to take the street all the way down, just so i could have a chance to relax and listen to music. On my way there, I spotted a Thrift Store. I told myself I would stop by on the way back home. I went there not expected to find anything. Instead, i ended up buying some jewelry. lol. In total, all 5 pieces came to about 13 something. There was another bracelet that I wanted, but I was being cheap and didn't want to spend 10 dollars on one single thing. I was also gonna get a new brooch too, but couldn't decide which one I wanted (I'm so indecisive). lol.
But yeah. I just wanted to share my purchase. I for sure want to thrift a lot more this summer.
I also picked up a crop top from the mall. I've never worn one before, so it should be interesting. lol
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Damn. I am in desperate need of inspiration.
However, I did update the poetry blog. Just three old poems. Might add a few more later. I'm weird and like to stop at even numbers (last poem is #10. lol)
Anywho. You can read them here
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Fingers: Base- China Glaze "Happy Go Lucky"; Flowers- Zoya "Mitzi" and "Tobey"
Toes: Base- China Glaze "Flyin' High"; Flowers- Zoya "Mitzi" and "Tobey" and Island Girl "Hawaiian Paradise"
“In my opinion, the young generation of whites, blacks, browns, whatever else there is, you’re living at a time of extremism, a time of revolution, a time when there has got to be a change. People in power have misused it, and now there has to be change and a better world has to be built, and the only way it is going to built is with extreme methods. And I for one, will join in with anyone, I don’t care what color you are, as long as you want to change this miserable condition that exists on this earth. Thank you.”
— Malcolm X
- Find a good career before summer ends
- Explore Los Angeles county (and other CA counties)
- Become a licensed nail tech
- Create my own t-shirt line
- Meet someone or experience something that inspires me to write everyday
- Befriend some handsome, cool, creative men (and women-minus the handsome)
- Publish my poetry (maybe)
- Be more open and friendly, and loving
- Get more tattoos
- Buy a new car
- Pay off all my credit cards
Monday, April 18, 2011
I've come up with an idea to incorporate drawings and doodles into my poetry. I feel like it would be really fun to do.
My mind is everywhere. I'm getting excited for school to end and my life to start. So this is yet another reason for me to be excited for summer! =)
Until then, I'm gonna be glued to MS Paint. lol. And maybe some color pencils.
*this documentary I watched about Jean Michel Basquiat for sure is not helping my urges. lol
Thursday, April 14, 2011
**I can't wait for my hair to get bigger!!!
*This is a very lovely color. I thought it was much darker than it is, which is why I've kind of stayed away from it (I'm not too into dark colors). It's actually brighter than it shows up in the picture.
**also, sorry about the pic. I messed up the mani before I could snap pics and didnt want to redo it. So I chose not to do a close-up. lol
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
*I need to start acknowledging what I have, as opposed to always dwelling on what I DONT have...
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
5. Essie "Splash of Grenadine" w/ OPI "Show It and Glow It" accent
4. Zoya "Crystal" w/OPI "Bring on the Bling" accent
3. NYC "Polyester Pink Creme" w/Essie "Carnival" top coat
*Crappy pic. Sorry
2. Essie "Tart Deco" and China Glaze "Recycle"
1. China Glaze "Shower Together", Essie "Lapis of Luxury", Sally Hansen "Blue Me Away!", Essie "Turquoise and Caicos", and OPI "No Room for the Blues"
All Time Favorite: China Glaze "For Audrey"
Milani "Fresh Teal" and Sally Hansen "Black Out"
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
“Cowardice asks the question, is it safe? Expediency asks the question, is it politic? Vanity asks the question, is it popular? But conscience asks the question, is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right.”
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The place is called Uncle Biff's California Killer Cookies
I got a 1/2 dozen, which comes with an extra cookie. I chose 2 Peanut Butter, 1 Peanut Butter with Chocolate Chips, 1 Chocolate Chip, 1 Chocolate Chip with Walnuts, and 2 Oatmeal with Walnuts
The chocolate chip (with and w/out walnuts) and the oatmeal with walnuts were fan-freakin-tastic! They were truly delicious. I personally could live without the peanut butter (very disappointing). The cookies are fairly pricey, but I thought it was worth it. Not like this is going to be a weekly indulgence.
I can't wait to go back!
I notice on social networking sites, a lot of people will type things like "in lil waynes voice", "kanye shrug", etc etc. Why is this? You mean to tell me that you can't even type as yourself? you have to emulate some celebrity in order to get people to understand what you saying? you have to imagine certain things being said in some one else's voice in order to add emphasis? why? if we were having this conversation face-to-face, you wouldn't sound like lil wayne. you'd sound like you. so why do you feel the need to add that little footnote onto your facebook status?
I really don't get my peers. So enthralled by the internet and celebrities who don't give two fucks about them, they can't even type for themselves, let alone live like themselves. It's really sad. What happened to the individual? do they no longer exist? why is it all of a sudden cool to talk like someone else? smh.
*sorry if this post seems disheveled. i'm disheveled. i just don't understand our generation sometimes. just don't make no sense...
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Base: "White On" - Sally Hansen
Polka Dots: "Fifi" - Icing; "Orange Knockout" - China Glaze; "Beach Yellow" - Santee; "Pimp My Nail" - NYX Girls
Accent Finger: "Pimp My Nail" - NYX Girls
Friday, April 1, 2011
after I cowashed. Do you see that heat damage? It used to be worse. So I won't even complain.
tuck and roll. sorry the pics are so blurry. for whatever reason, i couldn't get a good pic. this style was very easy, very quick, and cute. however, it was a little too "nice" for an everyday style.
a roller set on wet hair. i was surprised i actually liked this. it came out much better than expected. i'll have to tweak it a bit. but it's cute nonetheless.
turban. i think this look is dope. and i will for sure be stepping my scarf game up. lol
here's the scarf: