Saturday, October 16, 2010

Heartbreak is Inevitable

At some point in every persons life, they will suffer from some form of heartbreak. The most likely cause of this heartbreak will come from the one they thought they loved. It can and will happen to every single one of us.

I say this to myself all the time. I've even opened up and said it to those around me.

As much as we all like to think that we're above that (I - especially - like to think this way), we're all destined for this unfortuante fate.

I lack emotion. But even I know that there are just a few things in life that, no matter how hard you try to hide from it, it will catch you and you will feel it. These include, the inevitable "breakdown", the "lie", and of course, the whole purpose of this post, the "heartbreak - among others.

As I sit in my room, fantasizing about this man who has captivated my thoughts, even though I have yet to meet him, one thought seems to always creap in. That thought is that although I would love to meet him and live some fairy tale type romance, I kind of don't want to...

I've never had a boyfriend. And for very good reason. The whole relationship thing has just never been that appealing to me. I have never met anyone that makes me want to give them my time, my mind, my body, and my emotions. I;ve always felt that if I dont like some one enough to look past their flaws as well as my own selfishness, then there is no point in commiting to them. Because of this, I have remained single.

The only flaw with this type of thinking is fate....aka "heartbreak"

I've told myself that if I'm going to have my heart be broken by someone, they need to be the ish (in my eyes of course). I'm not gonna let some lame ass dude come in and screw me over. But by waiting for the guy that I fall head over heels for, and never having any type of test runs, that inevitable pain will hurt so much more.

What's my solution? Well, so far I've just been postponing the unavoidable.

Maybe that's why I dont look. If you look, you gotta smile. If you smile, they might wanna talk. If you talk, you both might fall. If you both fall, you might wanna commit. If you commit, you'll catch a bug (the love bug). When you fall in love, he'll eventually hurt you.

I'd really rather not deal with that.

Although I can't speak from experience, I imagine relationships are nothing but emotions. And since I'm not in touch with my emotions - and really dont wanna be - I'd much rather pass on that. Until, of course, I find someone who I yearn for so much that I'm willing to throw away all my previous convictions, and step into the world of the unknown.

Someone who I yearn for so much, that I'm willing to face the inevitable.

As humans, we face a few inevitable truths. One of them being pain. At some point in life, we will be hurt in the worst way.

I've managed to avoid this pain for years. I take my friends actions with a grain of salt. I tell myself that my family loves me, despite all the hurtful things they do. And I turn my head everytime a guy looks my way....

But I'm prepared for that least I hope I am

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