Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Turned 21 This Week

You'd think I'd be happy.

But I haven't been sadder.

In this city,

I have no friends

No family

No life

All I do is go to class, go to work, and fantasize about clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, and "him"

I dont know what's wrong with me.

I dont want to go out. But I hate staying in.

People ask me to go party with them, and I graciously decline.
But I'll spend my whole day out at the mall by myself. And the whole time I'm there, all I can think about is how lonely I am.

I don't know whats wrong with me.

I feel so emotional, yet I have no emotions.

I feel like crying, but I have no tears.

I want to do something with myself, but I have zero energy.

All I think about is money, jewelry, and "him"

Not the him that lives in my mind, the "him" that is real and wont talk to me.

Bah...but enough about that...

I want to go home....excuse me....I NEED to go home.

These feelings cant be healthy. If I don't get some peace of mind, they'll become a hinderance. And I cant have that.....

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