"Chemo Limo" - Regina Spektor

Nail Color of the Day

"Need Sunglasses" by O.P.I (no topcoat)

*I don't know how I feel about this color. I kind of like it, kind of don't...

I just realized that I used to be so freaking insecure, but I didn't even know it. I wouldn't look in the mirror and think about how much I hate myself, but I would dream about having better skin, long hair, just dream and wish that I was everything that I was not. I didn't like me, let alone love me. I over compensated. Always had to have name-brand clothes, nice new shoes, designer purse, and a fresh press. I alone was not good enough. I needed something else. I had eczema, so I couldn't wear makeup. So instead, I flocked to accessories. A whole bunch of bangles, cute earrings, rings, all of it. I needed them to distract others as well as myself, from the person that I loathed.

Now that I'm older, I love me. My chocolate skin, thick hair, almond shaped eyes, plump lips, nice legs, gorgeous breast, beautiful smile, cute nose, shapely legs, gut, no butt, and everything else about me, I L-O-V-E! It feels so good to look in the mirror and truly love what you see. To day dream, and see yourself just as you are. To take a picture of myself and not immediately edit the hell out of it. To wear accessories, not to distract, but to enhance. To wear clothes that I love and look good in, and not hiding behind jackets and loose tee's.

I'm happy and I love myself. And it feels so damn goood! =)

We suffer in plain sight
They hate us
Yet want to be us
Steal our style
Then ignore us all together
Our men
Impregnate us
Then demean us
While we hold them down
And get left behind
Then we turn around
And hate each other.

Don't you realize that I'm all you got?

We carry the hate of the world
On our shoulders
Don't you know I can decrease that weight?

Don't fight me
Join me
Let me pull you up
So we can all rise
Because sister,
I see you
And I'm here to help
Because I too know how it feels
To be ignored
And to suffer
In plain sight.

I got to see my brother play for the first time a few weeks ago.
that dude is freaking amazing. so damn talented.

i never realized how close i am to my brothers. we don’t talk everyday. but when i’m home and i’m around them, i smile more than i ever have.

they’re annoying. they have these crasy ass conversations that i have to remove myself cause i just can’t. they try to make me listen to waka flaka cause they want me to be dumb. lol. but i love them. if i ever lost either one of them, i don’t know what i would do.

i miss them, and i want them to be proud of me. i want them to look up to me. i want them to see me succeed, and then strive to do the same. they’re not taking my exact path. they’re young, so they mess up. it’s natural. but i don’t judge them. i talk to them. try to encourage them. but never judge them. just love them, and thank God for them.

when i first moved, i was upset that i was no longer the youngest. i had these two dudes that i had to set an example for. i had to be nice to them. but i didn’t know how. i was so mistreated by the older boys (and girls). so i didn’t know how. but i learned. i went away to school, and i missed them. but most importantly, i learned how to care. how to be a big sister, and how to treat them. i learned that my heart is filled with so much love for them.

this past Christmas season, i cried for my brother. i was angered by the way they treated him. and i cried. at that moment i realized, how much i love him. i looked in awe at the other one. at how much he’s grown. how talented he is. and how much i love him too.

i have two older siblings, and i love them as well. but the bond i have with my younger brothers is just unreal. i love those dudes. and i’m just now realizing it….

03.08.11 - 12pm

Today is calm
Woke up early
Relaxed
Midterm at 11
Breezed through it
Took out a book
Relaxed
Class at noon and a half
Should go smooth
Have some lunch
Relax
And nap
Before class at 4
Should be long.
But today as a whole
Is just so lovely
Beautiful weather
Relaxed atmosphere
And so very calm.

“Don’t say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one. I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you.”

— Anaïs Nin

i must share this blog. i am in love. only got through the first page, but i know i love it. her poetry just speaks to me in a way that i haven't felt since i first discovered Langston Hughes. she makes me want to quit and step my writing game up, all in the same breadth. Plus, she's gorgeous. I have a newly formed girl crush, and it has nothing to do with longing.

Oh the power of words!

I just think the (closets) are so dope....gotta bookmark these things for when I move into my own place


*seen here

I Finally Found the Perfect Flower

I've been searching for the perfect flower/s to incorporate into my next tattoo. Last week, I found it!



It's prefect. The color, the shape, the size. I love it! Now I just have to find an artist...and some money. lol

Knowledge is Power

I've been craving books for a while now. So today I went out and got some. I got them all (except one) from a second hand book store down the street from me. Unfortunately they had no Langston Hughes books, but I did find some good stuff; and none of them, including the one I got from Barnes and Noble, cost more than 8bucks!

My stack:


You can't even begin to understand how stoked I am about having these books. I don't have much tv and I really just want to decrease how much mindless browsing I do on the interweb. Books and documentaries (I watch them here ) should help me do that.


While I was out, I also broke down and bought some jewelry.



It's not a whole lot and they were very cheap (cost 8 something for all four items, including tax). I just couldn't resist. lol