Friday, April 29, 2011

Nappy Head Pt. 2

Moving back home is gonna be difficult. Not because I won't have as much space or because I won't be free. But because my parents don't "understand" my hair.

Last night my mom said to me "whats up with the hair?" When I told her I liked it this way, she looked at me and said well you know it looks "nappy" right? I just looked at her. Had nothing to say. She then asked why I keep it like "that" and I told her it's cause I don't feel comfortable with my hair straight. I then proceeded to tear up and cry. I couldn't help it. I hate to cry, but at that moment I realized that this journey was no longer going to be easy.

I've been sheltered in SD. I'm out there with all those white people. If anyone says anything about my hair, it's usually a compliment. I can walk around my apt, shower cap on, dc-ing and pre-pooing in peace. Come June, I'll no longer be able to do that. Ridicule and side eyes await me at home.

I'm going to have to go at this alone in my house. Depending on the internet and my one friend to keep me from the flat iron. It sucks. I wish I had some sort of support at home. But I don't, and there is no use in crying over it (well, not anymore).

That conversation last night also showed me how necessary my t-shirt line is. Not just for me, but for anyone out there dealing with my same situation. Anyone being bought up in an environment where you're happiness in your uniqueness is being stifled by the systematic thoughts of a monolithic society. There is an official fire burning inside me. I thought I would be able to share my plans with my parents, but I know now that I can't. So I'll be going at it alone. And that's fine. I don't need a team behind me. Just a dream, a friend, and some faith, and I have all three.

I will be who God intended me to be. I will let my voice be heard. I will wear my hair natural and free. And I won't let anyone stifle me!

*s/n. I ended up lying to my mom and told her that I was crying because I was tired of being in school and SD all together. Which I am. I'm also nervous about what I'm going to do after school. How I'm gonna keep my bills paid, and etc. But not tired or nervous enough to make me cry. Those thoughts are easily forgotten with music and lol

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