Sunday, June 27, 2010

Here We Go Again

So my mind has this awful habit of taking a single thought and creating an entire, time consuming, "life" out of it. In the end, reality hits, and I end up losing countless hours of lost thoughts. These "dreams" (thats all i can think to call it) are usually based around a guy (because I'm boy crazy) and on rare occasions, friends or money. And like I said, they never end up being remotely close to reality. I recently came down off my dream cloud and smacked onto the earth. At first, I promised myself that "I would focus on school and never let that happen to me again." Cause although I've always been a dreamer, the lonliness of being away at school and the boredom that has ensued thanks for lack of my friends, has caused me to do this more often and it's usually more extensive. I told myself that I need to focus on school, cause thats why I came out here in the first place. Not to meet my boyfriend, or meet a bunch of people, or party every night. Those are all perks of going to college. But you come here for school and school only. And it sucks that I wasn't able to enjoy those perks, but hey...thats life.

Everytime I felt sad about my reality check, I repeated that whole quote to myself all night. Then, it hit me. I will never stop doing that to myslef. Especially while I'm out here. Yes I'm here for school. Yes I'm semi-okay with being a lonely loser. But at the end of the day, the dreamer in me will never stop, no matter how much I try. And the boy crazy little girl inside of me is always gonna need a boy on her mind.

Basically all I can do is try not to let my mind get too crazy or too attatched on one thing. I need to slowly introduce reality to it, rather than allow it to stay in the clouds and be smacked down all at once. So yeah, hopefully I'm able to regulate my mind so that I can get through this last year of school. Once I graduate, I can move back home and work on getting back my happiness. Cause I've pretty much given up on the thought of being happy while I'm out here.

It's kind of impossible.

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